When Good People Have Affairs: Inside the Hearts & Minds of People in Two Relationships
Where to buy When Excellent People Have Affairs: Inside the Hearts & Minds of People in Two Relationships books online?
Product Description
A world-renowned therapist, Mira Kirshenbaum has treated thousands of men and women caught in the powerful drama over what to do when an affair reaches into their emotional lives. Now, in When Excellent People Have Affairs, Kirshenbaum puts her unsurpassed experience into one clear, calming place. She gives readers everything they need to cut through the thickets of dread, hurt and confusion to find their ways to more pleased, more levelheaded relationships with the person who’s right for them. For example, Kirshenbaum identifies seventeen types of affairs, helping readers figure out which type they’re in and what it means. Is it a:–“See-if” affair?–Ejector-seat affair?–Distraction affair?–Unmet-needs affair?–Panic affair?Kirshenbaum encourages honest answers to such questions as:–What am I missing in my marriage?–How do I choose between two people when it’s like comparing an apple to an orange?–How do I choose to end my marriage, end my affair, or end them both?She leads readers through six simple-to-navigate steps that will take anyone from anxiety to clarity. When Excellent People Have Affairs will be a lifeline to any man or woman who feels caught between two lovers, and its insights are indispensable to anyone else touched by an affair.
Buy Cheap When Excellent People Have Affairs: Inside the Hearts & Minds of People in Two Relationships Online
Related posts:
- DMZ Vol. 8: Hearts and Minds
- Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
- Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren’t
- Alice in the Country of Hearts Volume 4
- Written on Our Hearts : The Old Testament Story of God’s Love, Third Edition
The leader addresses the hurt, pain and anguish of persons who like to cheat on their spouses. To me that is much like feeling sorry for the young man who just murdered his parents and is sobbing because he is now an orphan, but I digress. Ms. Kirshenbaum rushes to pacify the moaning and groaning of persons who choose to shag another by reassuring them that they are indeed excellent people who could not help themselves. Upon reading the book, you will not be subjected to any mention of pesky, judgmental words or phrases, such as: maturity; integrity; the writhing excitement of “first falling in like” vs like in a long-term relationship; or even personal choice and responsibility. Rumor has it that, if you choose to bring your secretary, your gardener, your grocery store manager, or your lawyer into the bed that you sleep in with your spouse, don’t you worry about it. You did the right thing. Ms. Kirshenbaum seems to espouse the ancient maxim, if it feels excellent at the time, do it. You deserve it . . . you are a excellent person. Do not concern yourself with thoughts of anyone else. This book is truly justification and healing balm for cheaters everywhere.
Reader’s Rating: 1 / 5
This is the best ever book to take place to loathsome, selfish, lying, heartless, irresponcible, weak-minded, honorless, sneaky, pathetic, looser cheaters. I have a few additional descriptors but their not G rated. To the authors, bring shame on on you! Excellent people don’t have affairs, excellent people can be miserable in their marriage, not satisfieds, lonely, ignored, abused, rejected, unloved, they may how grown apart from their mate, they may not get the support or unconditional like they so desperatly need but they do not have affairs. If your marriage sucks so terrible that you feel you need to seek like elsewhere then get a divorce and go on. What? You say you can’t hurt your spouse like that… oh sure, yeah, cheating is much better, silly me… What? Cheating isn’t all that terrible? Everyone does it? Then why the secrecy? Why all the books on the devestation it causes? Why is it the number one reason for divorce? There are a few things that can never be fixed once broken, and affairs irreperably break a marriage. The trust, faith, unconditional like, hope and desire are gone forever. Once innocence is gone it cannot be regained. So if you cheated and this book made you feel better, then excellent for you for doing such a fantastic job further stroking your ego and running away from what ever it is at your core that gives you permission to break promises and reflect it’s ok to do so. If you cheated and you reflect this book is a cheap dose of denial then there just might be hope for you. So, to run through, when is cheating ok? When do excellent people betray their loved ones? NEVER!!!
Reader’s Rating: 1 / 5
Existentially language I mean. Murder kills the body. Adultery kills the soul…..and there are regularly lots of bodies left lying around too. ie revenge and suicide.
I can’t recommend a book with a title to attract persons who wish to rationalize violating the sanctity of marriage. If it feels terrible…it’s terrible. If you like your spouse and are compulsive and unable to manage your libido, get help. If you can’t be loving and affectionate to your spouse, let them out of the marriage. Don’t become a cheat, liar and adulterer. It is a stable heartbreak that steals the soul of the victim and destroys capacity for like and trust in the faithful spouse and in the children. Like and trust is very source of our humanity.
The statistic of 75% of people cheating is incorrect. Is this is another whacky Kinesian attempt to normalize deviant behavior? Certainly adultery described in entertainment is the wallpaper of our culture. It seems the quick and dirty formula to stir up excitement…forbidden fruit….no matter the fruit is rotten.
Reader’s Rating: 1 / 5
I have rewritten my review to respond to various reader comments.
I’m hoping to write a book about extant and healing from adultery, and want to hear from as many people on both sides of the fence as possible. E mail me at sswusfc at yahoo.com.
I’ll give the leader this much: she responded with a very nice e mail in response to mine that was full of vitriol. She also clarified her position on lying, which flawed as it is is at least based on logic. It does nothing to change my opinion of this book. The advice in this book is so deeply flawed, so disturbing, and yes, so treacherous, with relationship counselors like this in this country, it’s no marvel the divorce rate in America is around 50% and marriage counseling (per statistics) helps only 25% of the couples that go into it. Having veteran both miserable and brilliant marriage counseling, I know the difference.
While the leader does not justify cheating, she is way too nervous to let cheaters off the hook. No, cheaters are not automatically terrible people, and cheaters should not consume themselves alive with guilt and bring shame on. 90% of the time it takes two people to mess up a marriage. Adultery is regularly as frightening, confusing, and devastating for the betrayer as the betrayed. I’m not against cheaters being agreed help. What I have a major problem with is the the leader’s attitude. There, there, you did a terrible thing but you’re a excellent person. You’re entitled to break the vows you took before God. Three light slaps on the wrist, here’s your hat, here’s the door. If you want your marriage to make it, lie about the affair. No additional book or resource I have read on adultery agrees with this approach. For the more religious of us, lying is a sin. For the more and less religious of us, I could write an entire book as to why this is incorrect, but I will sum it up like this: religious or not, YOU DO NOT SOLVE THE PROBLEM OF DECEPTION AND DISHONESTY WITH MORE DECEPTION AND DISHONESTY.
Another piece of disturbing and treacherous advice is to consider cheaters being with one another. Dr. Phil published on his website that fewer than 5% of cheaters married to each additional make it. Additional statistics point to around 10 – 20%. But no matter how low the odds, the bottom line is this: nearly no relationship with a foundation of deception can survive. Some readers have pointed out that some very pleased relationships come out of horrible circumstances. This may be possible, but very very rare.
Yet another problem with this book is that the leader does not point out the difference between an affair and a long term committed relationship. She does not point out that the betrayed sees all the flaws and warts the paramour doesn’t.
The leader’s advice about divorce is also deeply flawed. The leader is way too quick to dismiss the hurt divorce does to children (although they eventually recover), way too quick to dismiss the hurt done by the breakup of the nuclear family tree, and way too quick to advocate divorce as a solution. Divorce in this country has become glamorous, chic, nearly like a red badge of courage. Divorce should be the last and worst option when there is absolutely no additional solution and every resource has been exhausted.
I’m not a professional relationship counselor, and not in the position to give relationship advice. But for persons who have had an affair and either want to rebuild the marriage or are at least sitting on a fence, I’ll say this: 1) unless you dread physical hurt from your mate, DO NOT LIE ABOUT THE AFFAIR. 2) while there is no excuse for adultery, you and your mate need to look at yourselves in the mirror and figure out how both your actions contributed to a marital environment that was predisposed toward adultery. 3) DO NOT BLAME YOUR MATE. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR ACTIONS. You had options fleeting of adultery and chose not to take them. 4) Talk, talk, talk.
For the one who has been betrayed, I’ll say this: 1) Do not browbeat your partner with God and guilt. 2) Do not deceive yourself into believing that simply because your mate had an affair and you didn’t that you are blameless. 3) Look at yourself honestly in the mirror. Take responsibility for your own actions.4) Talk, talk, talk.
And for betrayed, betrayor, or third party, this piece of advice; do not take seriously any of the relationship advice this ignorant woman Kirshenbaum gives. An affair is not a right. The person who had the affair should not engage in stigmata but should not tell themselves what a excellent person they are for having an affair. The person who had the affair should tell the truth. Hopefully, honest, open, informed communication will help rebuild what deception, ignorance, and silence ruined.
Reader’s Rating: 2 / 5
This book encourages self reflection and guides the reader through every step of building hard decisions, whether a person is right for you, whether to place an miserable marriage. I highly recommend it to anyone in any kind of relationship. You will learn a lot about yourself and your relationships.
Reader’s Rating: 5 / 5