This Is Not The Story You Think It Is: A Season of Unlikely Happiness
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- ISBN13: 9780399156656
- Condition: NEW
- Notes: Brand New from Publisher. No Remainder Mark.
Product Description
Laura Munson’s essay in the New York Times, about the time she was tested in a way she never anticipated, made a firestorm-now here’s the whole tale.
When Laura Munson’s essay was published, The New York Times was so flooded with responses that they had to close down the comment feature. Readers wrote in adage that they had sent the column to all of their friends. Therapists wrote Munson to tell her that they were passing it out to their clients.
What did Munson write that caused such a vehemence?
Laura detailed what happened when her spouse of more than twenty years told her he wasn’t sure he loved her anymore and wanted to go out. And while you might reflect you know where this tale is going, this isn’t the tale you reflect it is. Laura’s response to her spouse: I don’t buy it.
In this poignant, wise, and regularly amusing memoir, Munson recounts a period of months in which her faith in herself-and her marriage-was place to the test. Shaken to the core after the death of her beloved father, not finding the professional success that she had hoped for, and after countless hours of therapy, Laura finally, at age forty, realized she had to stop basing her happiness on things outside her control and commit herself to an “End of Suffering.” This Is Not The Tale You Reflect It Is… chronicles a woman coming to terms with the myths we tell ourselves-and others-about our life and realizing that ultimately happiness is completely within our control.
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I work in the publishing world, therefore I read a lot of books, and regularly read a manuscript before its had a chance to see the light of day. This is one book that never should have seen the light of day. There’s a reason why, throughout the book, the leader goes on and on about writing for twenty years and not getting published. She’s a terrible writer, with a tale ripe for a reality tv segment, or perhaps a seat on Dr. Phil’s show. I reflect if a spouse is that miserable, and says “I don’t like you anymore” – he probably means it. Sounds pretty cut and dry to me. If my spouse were staying out all hours, not showing up when he was supposed to, he wouldn’t be a name I would trust or want to continue my life with. She says the whole time that his outburst isn’t about her. There’s no one else in the room he’s talking to. She doesn’t want to face the composition. Perhaps her whiny, bone idle, over-consumptive behavior for the past twenty years led him to his conclusion. I’m kindof on the side of the spouse with this one. If you need money, here’s a thought – FIND A JOB!
Reader’s Rating: 1 / 5
I neither read the New York Times’s Modern Like column, nor judge in like. At age forty, I’ve never really had it and don’t reflect I’ll ever find it. Laura Munson turned her column into this memoir This Is Not The Tale You Reflect It Is. Her spouse of fifteen years [they've been together for 20] says to her one day that he no longer likes her and she refuses to judge or accept it.
But here’s the most painful part–the conundrum that shows me my spouse’s inner war and challenges my commitment to non-suffering to the core. His final words before he left for the dump were: “I just want a woman who doesn’t have any baggage.”
Here’s where I land and it’s not graceful: my spouse, the father of my children, thinks there’s a name out there who is better for him than I am. Somebody who’s gotten this far in life unscathed. That he then, in effect, believes in fairy tales. And fairy-tale princesses. And maybe even fairy-tale princes, too. (Even though he’s terrified by horses.) But this sort of thinking cuts, and I place on the brakes. I even laugh, trying to imagine a human being lacking “baggage.”
Her therapist tells her: “So let me get this straight. You base your personal happiness on things entirely outside your control.” That one really hits home. You cannot make a name like you or even like you. It’s one of the most hard concepts to come to terms with but it rings so right. A harsh reality but right. Laura tries to surrender herself to this thought. She holds her tongue regularly when her spouse does something she doesn’t like [staying out all night, going fishing as a replacement for of to his son's game, avoiding family tree dinners] or something he says. It’s really admirable as it is so challenging to do. She wants to shout, she wants to defend herself and she wants to point out her spouse’s issues and the problem with what he has said to her. But she refrains.
Laura gives her spouse the space he needs. Though I suppose because they have two children and their finances aren’t in the greatest shape, he never really moves out of the house and they sometimes still share a bed. I don’t know how much “space” that’s really giving a name. Finding support riding her horse alone or with friends, spending time with her children and writing, Laura tries to take her mind off her spouse’s state of mind and declaration. She even spends a month in Italy [where she spent her junior year of college] with her 12-year-ancient daughter. She never begs or pleads with her spouse. She remains cool.
There’s much to like about This Is Not The Tale You Reflect It Is: how to cope with a hard time, be uncomplaining with a loved one while that person facts things out and also how to take care of oneself when in crisis mode. I establish some support in Laura’s tale and I could tell despite not believing I’ll ever find like that isn’t unrequited. One thing I could not tell to is that Laura reasonably regularly speaks of this devilish alter-ego called “Sheila.” This small being in her head or on her shoulder, “Sheila” would fight with Laura about her spouse’s attitude and treatment of her.
I want him to have time alone. I cherish my own. We’ve permanently agreed each additional that room in Rilke’s “greatest possible trust.” Still, regardless of his personal crisis, regardless if he’s telling himself he doesn’t like me anymore, is he willing to ruin the years of trust we’ve built?
In reading This Is Not The Tale You Reflect It Is, I regularly thought of my own situation with an ex-friend. We dated for the first two years and then we were friends for eight. Brian Schofer ongoing dating a woman [after not dating at all since we broke up eight years ago] and cut off all contact with me. All contact. He has stopped answering my emails, texts and phone calls. He cut me off cold after caring about me and spending a lot of time with me for an entire decade. I dated some men but had time for our friendship. He once told me he’d never let me go and never let anything take place to me, but he did.
Laura reads a plethora of self-help books and spiritual guides [and I admit I own more than a few of these books] from the Bhagavad-Gita to The Book of Like by Rumi to Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now and A New Planet to Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by Melody Beattie. In all her reading, one thing she finds is that “the end of suffering happens with the end of wanting. The end of wanting.” That’s a intricate and really hard thing. How can you stop wanting? Like, happiness, professional fulfillment, excellent health, devoted friends. How is that even possible?
Is that what this is about? He’s vilifying me for my lack of career success? What about my additional successes? All he has to do is look around to see persons in 3-D and Technicolor. All he has to do is look into his children’s eyes. I have made so much that is a success. Plus, when’s the last time he really read anything I’ve written? Just because the publishing world doesn’t deem my work worthy doesn’t mean it’s not.
In writing This Is Not The Tale You Reflect It Is, Laura reflects on the early days with her spouse. She delves into their tie and the caring moments the two have shared. They lived in Boston, then Seattle–where her spouse ran a successful brewery– and finally stirred to the wide plains of Montana. Laura has written 14 novels and has never had one published. She does manage to publish the occasional article but not nearly regularly enough. Laura also reflects on the successful marriage of her well-to-do parents. She was a daddy’s girl and feels excellent about it. And by caring for her own well-being and providing her spouse with support in silence and space, Laura and her spouse come to an understanding.
Reader’s Rating: 4 / 5
I cried and laughed so hard through these pages–regularly at the same time–that I thanked God I was alone in the privacy of my bedroom. Laura Munson is my new heroine. The wisest, most soulful, kick-ass friend any woman who’s ever had grenades launched at her self-esteem or her belief in like could question for. Read every page. To the end. And let it heal you to the bone. “This Is Not the Tale You Reflect It Is” is a skillfully written, breathtaking memoir that’s both unusually intelligent and chatty. Deeply spiritual, self-depricating, and tasty, you feel like she’s your best friend and alternately your wisest relationship mentor. Laura intimately takes us with her on her journey of self-discovery and empowerment as she faces a woman’s largest dread: that the like of her life may, in fact, no longer like her. But, as we soon learn, in navigating this mine meadow, Laura evolves into a place of peace, might, and hope that her spouse’s “choice” will not and cannot make or break her. Laura’s celebration of her children, the land and home she likes in rural Montanta, and the invention with which she makes a vibrant life for them regardless, paints a rich tapestry of a world we can’t help but want to enter. It’s no marvel he came home. Who could resist?
Reader’s Rating: 5 / 5
To some extent like listening to a excellent friend going through major issues in her life.
Basically this is a tale about a woman who factually marries the man of her dreams. They both came from well to do backgrounds and chose to place persons lifestyles behind. As a replacement for, they considered themselves ‘golden’ and were intent on traveling and being pleased.
She is a writer…. basically doing columns and desperately trying to get a book published. They both start out doing jobs such as effective restaurants, ect. They go to Portland where he takes a job in a micro-brewery. He likes the job and she is incredibly pleased there.
By now they have children and he is offered a job in Montana. She is not pleased about living in the middle of nowhere, but they go. The job turns out to be a major disappointment, throwing him into a desperate depression. He starts by sleeping in the office at night.
So after a wonderful 20 years together, he announces one morning that he’s not sure if he still likes her and for that matter if he ever did. He wants to go out. She outright tells him that she’s not long-suffering that.
Written like a journal, she tells us of her feelings about everything, thinking back through their relationship.
Basically, she does what I, or anyone I know would probably never do. She gives him space. She is there for him when he needs her. She doesn’t argue, and by examination and error she manages to find out what sets him off and what is really keeping him with the family tree.
She grows to like this tiny town in Montana, getting relief from riding her horse. To the outside world she appears as if nothing is incorrect.
It is incredible how this woman sticks with and handles this situation, confident that she will get through this, family tree in tact.
Written with much sincerity, and very small self pity, it turns out that aside from finally getting a publisher interested in one of her books, she really turned this one in for publication as well. I’m glad she did.
This is a fantastic book for any woman in a long term relationship, giving a unique perspective on an issue many of us have had to face at one time or another.
Recommended with a Smile!
Thank you.
MEF
Reader’s Rating: 4 / 5
Laura’s tale is real. Laura’s tale is the tale that my mother should have written about her own life – but never did. Laura’s bravery is the bravery that I wish my mother had shown with my father, but didn’t. I was overwhelmed by how significant Laura’s tale is to my own life also – but did not even know it until I read hers.
I highly recommend this book – you will not be able to place it down – and the bonus is the imaginative writing style – a REAL PLUS !
cathleen
Reader’s Rating: 5 / 5