The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
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Product Description
Straightforward in its approach, yet profound in its effect, the principles outlined in this book teach partners new and startling strategies for building their marriage work. Gottman has scientifically analysed the habits of married couples and customary a method of correcting the behaviour that puts thousands of marriages on the rocks. He helps couples focus on each additional, on paying attention to the tiny day-to-day moments that, strung together, make up the heart and soul of any relationship. Packed with questionnaires and exercises whose effectiveness has been proven in Dr Gottman’s workshops, this is the definitive guide for anyone who wants their relationship to attain its highest potential. ‘An eminently practical guide to an emotionally intelligent – and long-lasting – marriage’ Daniel Goleman, leader of Emotional IntelligenceAmazon.com Review
According to most relationship books, the key to a levelheaded marriage is communication, communication, communication. Phooey, says John Gottman, Ph.D., leader of the much-lauded Why Marriages Make it or Fail. There’s much more to a levelheaded, “emotionally intelligent” marriage than sharing every feeling and thought, he points out–though most couples therapists ineffectively (and expensively) harp on these concepts.
Gottman, the director of the Gottman Institute, has establish through studying hundreds of couples in his “like lab” that it only takes five minutes for him to predict–with 91 percent accuracy–which couples will eventually divorce. He shares the four not-so-obvious signs of a troubled relationship that he looks for, using sometimes amusing passages from his sessions with married couples. (One standout is Rory, the pediatrician who didn’t know the name of the family tree dog because he spent so much time at work.)
Gottman debunks many myths about divorce (primary among them that affairs are at the root of most splits). He also reveals surprising facts about couples who stay together. They do engage in screaming matches. And they certainly don’t resolve every problem. “Take Allan and Betty,” he writes. “When Allan gets annoyed at Betty, he turns on ESPN. When Betty is upset with him, she heads for the mall. Then they regroup and go on as if nothing’s happened. Never in forty-five years of marriage have they sat down to have a ‘dialogue’ about their relationship.” While this may sound like a couple in distress, Gottman establish that they pass the like-lab tests and say honestly that “they are both very satisfied with their relationship and they like each additional deeply.”
Through a series of in-depth quizzes, checklists, and exercises, similar to the ones he uses in his workshops, Gottman provides the framework for coping with differences and strengthening your marriage. His profiles of troubled couples rescued from the brink of divorce (including that of Rory, the out-of-touch doctor) and persons of still-pleased couples who reinvigorate their relationships are equally enlightening. –Erica Jorgensen
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I bought this book as a present and received it WAY before the time to give it. I ALWAYS get excellent service from Amazon and have not had ONE time I’ve been displeased. GREAT SITE!!!!!
Reader’s Rating: 5 / 5
I have been married for 13 years and have been with my spouse for 16 years and our marriage has survived her learning she was lesbian and me facing that I was transsexual. As a happily married person (yes, we’re still married even though I am legally a woman today), an leader (Chi Gung: Chinese Healing, Energy, and Natural Magick by L.V. Carnie), and a Two-Spirit Shaman, I have devoted my life since a near-death incident at the age of five to learning to pay attention to others and to help whenever I could. Today, I spend about 20 hours a day healing and sometimes even factually saving the lives of plants, animals, and people in crisis situations and even though that would seem to stress a marriage, we have establish that we work as a team by using the principles I now see revealed in this wonderful book such as paying attention to the small details.
I highly suggest anyone interested in improving their marriage or preparing for marriage to read this book. Sure, I just read it now, but the very things that I have done to make my marriage successful are the things mentioned in this incredible book.
Reader’s Rating: 5 / 5
I can’t really give any marriage book that’s secular in foundation five stars; talking about marriage absent of God is like talking about construction absent of steel or huge gun. That said, this is a excellent book, especially if you’re comfortable throwing a bit out here and there. The nicest thing is that it challenges the (incorrect) thought that the goal and process toward excellent marriage is simply removing fighting and conflict. That’s a myth, and the science and experience of Gottman and Silver in this book support that.
It’s also full of lots of exercises. Some are a bit cheesy, and others are probably more than the “predictable” couple will do. But several are incredibly practical, and won’t take much time. I folded down about 8 pages to refer back to, and that’s a excellent thing. Recommended for mature Christians who know a bit about marriage; additional than that, though, there are a number of better books with a more accurate and right Biblical foundation that would be better starting points.
Reader’s Rating: 4 / 5
When thinking about a book to select for my assignment for my interpersonal communication class, I knew I wanted to read a book that both interests me and will help me in the long run. The Seven Principles written by John Gottman, Ph.D. mapped out tings that could make a marrige fail or on the verge of failing, these principles are things that no one would reflect of as problems to their marriage. But in reality most of the principles are the main problems to a marriage. I reflect this book is accurate to everything a couple needs to know aboutmarriage and helping it work and get through anything. Anyone can know the way that Gottman wrote this book because he wants to be able to get through anyone and doesn’t want the couple to become more confused while trying to get through the book to help themselves. John Gottman is a very intelligent man who seems to understands the concept of marriage and how it works, the way that he incorporates it into a book is both well written because he takes each principle and breaks it down into steps and gives exercises to do and questionnaires to take to help better know what the chapter is about and what he wants you to get from it. This book really took me by surprise; I thought it was going to be another book from some therapist who really doesn’t know what they are talking about and gives information and advice that you could have gotten from a friend. Gottman gave information that really knows one would reflect of because to many people the things that he discussed are not vital but in reality they are the most vital. Overall, this book was made to help couples get through everything that they face in a marriage lacking going to a name else that knows what they are talking about maybe but doens’t know the couple and allows them to work it out on thier own and to connect back with each additional.
Reader’s Rating: 5 / 5
I’ll humbly admit experience in a relationship is reasonably minimal, so I’ll attempt a criticism of this book from an literary standpoint. Gottman seems to be going along with the positive psychology paradigm of Martin Seligman, whose Authentic Happiness I’ve yet to criticize and I find could use some excellent ones. The Seven Principles, first of all the title comes off as one of persons quick results self help books telling me how to be rich, or be “effective” that makes it to the top of the New York Times list as bestseller, and clearly shouldn’t. His first mistake is his arrogance of “knowing” what makes marriage works, and clearly italicizing it. It would do him well to include some humility in his work, but hey that’s what the people want right, to know it works, some quick hope, and hopefully small work. Second of all this view is what one would expect of the “normal” narrowminded “obsessive-compulsive” scientist. He takes marriage and applies to it a kind of technological mindset that has the potential to increase one’s alienation to the relationship. The applying of principles as if we were some machine, as if we should just apply this principles and close our eyes, cross our fingers, and jump around in circles and eventually it will work. This is what current day empirical research leads us to do, where are our souls, where is our individuality, our trust in ourselves and our own minds? Theres no room for that in such a rigid application.
Thirdly, these “principles” must be engaged in by both partners to work, this cuts the potential of his work into a 6-inch … The last time I checked a relationship takes two people, we can’t control our partner, and mere intrapsychic changes can influence only your half of the relationship, and the approach propogates the bilateral validation so common in marital therapy today, the same garbage that is said by so many to not work. The probable sucking up that will result in loss of respect and dignity, and most likely attractiveness in the eyes of your partner.
Last but not least it is rigid, all you have to do is apply these techniques and poof, everything will be better, let us all look to the great Gottman for his wisdom, this does what all self help books have the potential to do, especially when coming from an authoritive stance of >knowing< what makes marriage work. As if we should just stop thinking and listen to Boddavista Gottman, I'd rather not buddy. But then again probably most scientists wanna "save the world " to feed their hungry narcissism. His view is a narrowminded view indeed....This book is better used as a supplement, that is all.
A much much better book in my opinion is Passionate Marriage, it is clearly more well thought out, and I reflect helps us become better, more self trusting people and reliable people. The research behind the literary version the Sexual Crucible is astonishing, and reasonably admirable.
Would I recommend buying Seven Principles? sure…but probably a used copy…you probably won’t be taking much notes on this one…
Reader’s Rating: 2 / 5