The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships
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Product Description
A groundbreaking, practical program for transforming troubled relationships into positive ones
“This is the best book on relationships I have ever read. . . . John Gottman has decoded the devious secrets that can either enrich or ruin the quality of our ties with others.” Daniel B. Wile, Ph.D., leader of After the Fight: Using Your Disagreements to Erect a Stronger Relationship
“John Gottman is our leading explorer of the inner world of relationships. In The Relationship Cure, he has establish gold once again.”William J. Doherty, Ph.D., leader of Take Back Your Marriage: Sticking Together in a World That Pulls Us Apart
“When he says his five steps will help you erect better relations with the people you care about, you know that they have been demonstrated to work.” E. Mavis Heatherington, Ph.D., professor of psychology, University of Virginia
From the country’s foremost relationship practiced and New York Times bestselling leader Dr. John M. Gottman comes a powerful, simple five-step program, based on twenty years of innovative research, for momentously improving all of the relationships in your life—with spouses and lovers, children, siblings, and even your colleagues at work. In The Relationship Cure, Dr. Gottman:
* Reveals the key fundamentals of healthy relationships, emphasizing the importance of what he calls “emotional tie”
* Introduces the powerful new concept of the emotional “bid,” the fundamental unit of emotional tie
* Provides remarkably empowering tools for improving the way you bid for emotional tie and how you respond to others’ bids
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It doesn’t read like a novel for sure. As a buyer with an obvious need, I was looking an answer from the first page. guess i have to end the book before my problems could be solved
Reader’s Rating: 1 / 5
Practical is the main wqord.
Reader’s Rating: 5 / 5
only book I’ve read about relationships, but it seems like the guy has it down.
Reader’s Rating: 4 / 5
This is a book that everyone should read whether entering a new relationship or trying to get along in an older one. Fantastic advice.
Reader’s Rating: 5 / 5
The leader might try to appeal to men a small more.
Any family tree therapist knows that rule #1 is “Do not take sides.” Your job is not to find out who’s got the problem, or who is to blame. Your job is to admit the “problem patterns” into which the family tree system falls again and again.
The concept of the emotional bid is very simple and effective, but that doesn’t get a book 5 stars. The rest of the book was Gottman’s speculations and “mandate system” formulas. Reminds me of all the additional authors who have done the same thing, cataloging people according to their primary motives…Napoleon Hill, Anthony Robbins, Carl Jung, Myers and Briggs, David DeAngelo, etc. Obviously the emotional mandate systems notion wasn’t “learned” in his Like Lab. He invented that lens and now lazily sees all human relations through it.
I establish it telling that in the dozens of examples, every one of them described the man as the one at fault and the woman as the innocent damsel trying her best. A man simply snaps at his wife. That’s it. Tell the same tale about a woman and the reader gets a full page of backstory justifying her inconsideration. And the irony is, Gottman’s research showed that husbands in pleased marriages “turned toward” their wives more regularly than husbands in miserable marriages. But not wives. Whether their marriages were pleased or miserable, they “turned toward” their husbands the same amount.
Of course, that means that marriages will benefit most if MEN read and apply this chapter, but not women.
The problem with the entire book is, his research may be sound, but his conclusions are flawed. Gottman committed the unwarrantable (as it is called in the statistical coven). He assigned a CAUSAL LINK where there was none.
OF COURSE their are more emotional bids in pleased marriages. Gottman claims that the emotional bids lead to (cause) pleased marriages. The problem is, it is just as likely that pleased marriages lead to more emotional bids (but not the additional way around).
Be on the lookout for titles of his next book: How Weight Gain Causes Overeating: the surprising truth behind overeating; More Firefighters Fighting the Fire Leads to More Fire Hurt; Ice Cream Causes Drowning and Crime (ice cream sales rise with drowning deaths and crime because more ice cream is sold in the summer months).
Therefore, emotional bidding causes nothing. It is the natural fruit of a pleased marriage. Something ELSE caused the marriage to be pleased (I’m sure you can reflect of dozens of plausible causes).
Reader’s Rating: 1 / 5