The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, “Chronically Inflexible” Children

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The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children

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We’ve all seen them: children who explode when they’re told to do something or when things don’t go their way. The ones who completely lose control and become verbally and physically aggressive. Spoiled, stubborn, manipulative children. Right?

Not so quick. These marks suggest that the behavior if such children is plotted and intentional, and well loved reward-and-punishment strategies are typically used to teach and motivate them to behave more appropriately. But for a significant number of these children, the standard approach doesn’t permanently work. Such children are easily frustrated and extremely inflexible. They get “stuck” over seemingly simple requests, compassionate issues, and sudden changes in plans. They may be very nervous, irritable, and volatile. They may have difficulty telling you what they’re frustrated about or thinking through potential solutions to problems. In clinical terms, they may be diagnosed with any of a variety of psychiatric disorders, including oppositional-defiant disorder, attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), Tourette’s disorder, depression, and bipolar disorder. If this sounds like your child, you’re probably feeling frustrated, overwhelmed, guilt-ridden, exhausted, and hopeless.

Now there is a new way for you, your child, and your entire family tree to find help. In this groundbreaking new book, Dr. Ross Greene, a child psychologist at Massachusetts All-purpose Hospital and Harvard Medical School, makes a compassionate argument that the difficulties of these children stem from developmental deficits in two critical skills: flexibility and frustration tolerance. He asserts that if such children could do well, they would.

Drawing upon recent advances in the neuroscience, Dr. Greene describes the factor that contribute to “inflexible-explosive” behavior in children and why the strategies that work for most children aren’t as effective for inflexible-explosive children. Then, with the help of “snapshots” from the lives of children, parents, and teachers with whom he has worked over the years, Dr. Greene lays out a sensitive, practical, effective, systematic approach to helping these children at home and school, including:

sinking lack of sympathy and antagonism between the child and adult

anticipating situations in which the child is most likely to explode

making an environment in which explosions are less likely to occur

focusing less on reward and punishment and more on communication and collaborative problem-solving

helping the child renovate the self-regulation and thinking skills to be more flexible and handle frustration more adaptively

In Explosive Child, you’ll find ways to regain your sanity and optimism and rebuild the confidence to handle your child’s difficulties completely and lovingly. With Dr. Greene’s compassionate, practiced advice and insight, you and your child will rediscover newfound hope and a relationship you can both feel excellent about.Amazon.com Review
Flexibility and tolerance are learned skills, as any parent knows if they’ve seen an irascible 2-year-ancient grow into a pleasant, thoughtful, and considerate older child. Sorry to say, for reasons that are poorly understood, a few children don’t “get” this part of socialization. Years after kid irritability should have become an unpleasant memory, a few unlucky parents find themselves battling with sudden, inexplicable, disturbingly violent rages–along with crushing guilt about what they “did incorrect.” Medical experts haven’t helped much: the flurry of acronyms and marks (Tourette’s, ADHD, ADD, etc.) seems to proffer new discoveries about the causes of such explosions, when in fact the only new development is alternative vocabulary to clarify the effects. Ross Greene, a pediatric psychologist who also teaches at Harvard Medical School, makes a bold and humane attempt in this book to cut through the blather and speak directly to the (usually desperate) parents of explosive children. His text is long and serious, and has the advantage of covering an enormous amount of ground with hint, detail, and sympathy, but also perhaps the disadvantage that only persons parents who are not chronically tired and time-deprived are likely to get through the entire book. Quoted dialogue from actual sessions with parents and children is interspersed with analysis that is permanently oriented toward understanding the origins of “meltdowns” and developing workable strategies for avoidance. Although pharmacological treatment is not the book’s focus, there is a chapter on drug therapies. –Richard Farr

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