The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, “Chronically Inflexible” Children
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Product Description
We’ve all seen them: children who explode when they’re told to do something or when things don’t go their way. The ones who completely lose control and become verbally and physically aggressive. Spoiled, stubborn, manipulative children. Right?
Not so quick. These marks suggest that the behavior if such children is plotted and intentional, and well loved reward-and-punishment strategies are typically used to teach and motivate them to behave more appropriately. But for a significant number of these children, the standard approach doesn’t permanently work. Such children are easily frustrated and extremely inflexible. They get “stuck” over seemingly simple requests, compassionate issues, and sudden changes in plans. They may be very nervous, irritable, and volatile. They may have difficulty telling you what they’re frustrated about or thinking through potential solutions to problems. In clinical terms, they may be diagnosed with any of a variety of psychiatric disorders, including oppositional-defiant disorder, attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), Tourette’s disorder, depression, and bipolar disorder. If this sounds like your child, you’re probably feeling frustrated, overwhelmed, guilt-ridden, exhausted, and hopeless.
Now there is a new way for you, your child, and your entire family tree to find help. In this groundbreaking new book, Dr. Ross Greene, a child psychologist at Massachusetts All-purpose Hospital and Harvard Medical School, makes a compassionate argument that the difficulties of these children stem from developmental deficits in two critical skills: flexibility and frustration tolerance. He asserts that if such children could do well, they would.
Drawing upon recent advances in the neuroscience, Dr. Greene describes the factor that contribute to “inflexible-explosive” behavior in children and why the strategies that work for most children aren’t as effective for inflexible-explosive children. Then, with the help of “snapshots” from the lives of children, parents, and teachers with whom he has worked over the years, Dr. Greene lays out a sensitive, practical, effective, systematic approach to helping these children at home and school, including:
sinking lack of sympathy and antagonism between the child and adult
anticipating situations in which the child is most likely to explode
making an environment in which explosions are less likely to occur
focusing less on reward and punishment and more on communication and collaborative problem-solving
helping the child renovate the self-regulation and thinking skills to be more flexible and handle frustration more adaptively
In Explosive Child, you’ll find ways to regain your sanity and optimism and rebuild the confidence to handle your child’s difficulties completely and lovingly. With Dr. Greene’s compassionate, practiced advice and insight, you and your child will rediscover newfound hope and a relationship you can both feel excellent about.Amazon.com Review
Flexibility and tolerance are learned skills, as any parent knows if they’ve seen an irascible 2-year-ancient grow into a pleasant, thoughtful, and considerate older child. Sorry to say, for reasons that are poorly understood, a few children don’t “get” this part of socialization. Years after kid irritability should have become an unpleasant memory, a few unlucky parents find themselves battling with sudden, inexplicable, disturbingly violent rages–along with crushing guilt about what they “did incorrect.” Medical experts haven’t helped much: the flurry of acronyms and marks (Tourette’s, ADHD, ADD, etc.) seems to proffer new discoveries about the causes of such explosions, when in fact the only new development is alternative vocabulary to clarify the effects. Ross Greene, a pediatric psychologist who also teaches at Harvard Medical School, makes a bold and humane attempt in this book to cut through the blather and speak directly to the (usually desperate) parents of explosive children. His text is long and serious, and has the advantage of covering an enormous amount of ground with hint, detail, and sympathy, but also perhaps the disadvantage that only persons parents who are not chronically tired and time-deprived are likely to get through the entire book. Quoted dialogue from actual sessions with parents and children is interspersed with analysis that is permanently oriented toward understanding the origins of “meltdowns” and developing workable strategies for avoidance. Although pharmacological treatment is not the book’s focus, there is a chapter on drug therapies. –Richard Farr
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I absolutely despise parenting books like this. I’m a kid and I’m NOT explosive, but my small brother tends to be kind of stubborn. But, how insulting is that to find your parent reading “The Explosive Child?” I know her reading a parenting book, but come on, the title really gives away what your parent thinks you are. It’s just a book filled with huge marks and it says so on the front take in. Now, I’m not adage I’ve read it, but seriously, just read it in the library. Don’t bring it home–unless insulting your child horribly is your plot of action.
Consider yourself warned.
Reader’s Rating: 1 / 5
Oh boy…my child was a frightmare, until Dr Greene saved my son and my marraige. He used to throw fits until the cows came home (this being literal, since we do live on a farm). He would scream at us, kick us, and swear at us for no apparent reason. Small did i realize that my child’s explosiveness could really be treated simply by giving him anything and everything he wants. I learned that ice cream and pizza both have nutrients, and that no matter how much i liked to pretend that there was, there is no set betime. Now my child eats what he wants when he wants, and goes to sleep when he wants. Granted he has gained 20 pounds and constantly challenges me and my wife to meet his every demand, but he is no longer explosive! The fits are gone, the yelling is gone, and the swearing is nearly gone. Thank you Dr. Greene, you are a triumph!
Reader’s Rating: 5 / 5
I can see why this book appeals to parents–it assuages guilt about poor parenting that has allowed children to be in charge. The main thought of this book is that children who misbehave and disrespect their parents “can’t help it.”
The leader implies that children who throw irritability, swear, and act inappropriately have some kind of cognitive dysfunction, organic in scenery although never clearly clarified in medical terms. Parents are then advised to renovate strategies to avoid situations that may upset the child and lead to inappropriate, disrespectful behavior.
Yes, Pro-active avoidance-of-conflict parenting strategies may solve some fleeting term problems by overlooking blatant disrespect, egocentricity, and abuse toward parents/peers. If parents send the message that such behavior is excusable and accomodate demands, then logically the irritability will decrease. This book rationalizes parents’ giving in to demands for dread of a “meltdown.”
My main objection to the leader’s hypothesis is the absence of any responsibility on the child’s part to try to behave and act more appropriately. In the long run, children who receive no consequences for offensive, disrespectful, rude, selfish behavior will lack the ability to function as reliable members of society.
A parent’s main responsibility is to help children become reliable, productive adults. Employers, universities, and law enforcement will not tolerate “explosive” behavior and will provide the consequences parents have neglected to give. In no setting will profanity and verbal abuse be viewed as “mental debris.” In no setting will an power figure accomodate an individual in order to avoid frustration. What parents must do–from the very beginning–is teach children that life is full of frustrating circumstances, and that hurting others with words or fists is unacceptable for any reason.
I would recommend “The Defiant Child” by Douglas Riley as a much more realistic, practical approach to redirect oppositional behavior lacking neglecting to provide any consequences for inappropriate behavior.
Parents who live in dread of their children’s irritability/ disrespectful behavior and just want it to stop now may see this book as their answer. But, they also may end up visiting their older or adult child in prison/jail, where the much-needed consequences for offensive behavior will be provided.
Reader’s Rating: 1 / 5
Frustrated by my son’s age-inappropriate temper irritability, I desperately searched for solutions. [He'd be set off by small things like building a mistake tan and would rage for 1/2 hour or more ... still at age 6! Maybe this is understandable for a 2 year ancient, but there was something incorrect here...] I approached it psychologically, certain that I somehow wasn’t handling him properly. But, he just seemed out of control. No matter how I approached his rage, I couldn’t make any significant changes. I bought this book, but it didn’t help me much, as I’d already tried so many behavioral approaches. I finally researched the Feingold Program (you can Google it) after observing that his largest irritability came immediately after eating foods with red food tan. The Feingold Program primarily removes artificial colors, flavors, and preservatives from children’s food and environment (yes, even persons hand-stamps after gym class can have an effect!), and it’s been around since the ’70s. A family tree friend used it successfully for her 2 boys during that time, so I knew at least one success tale. I bought the materials and dove in. Guess what — no more irritability! My boy is a changed person, and I couldn’t be more pleased. Please give this diet a try — you may be amazed! It’s a bit more work for me when shopping or cooking, but my life is so much simpler in every additional way because I’m not dealing with a raging kid all the time. He and his small sister (who’s 3 and is also on the diet now; she doesn’t seem as sensitive as he is, but she certainly benefits also) now play nicely most of the time, freeing up hours of my day. I truly judge that the question is NOT “Will this help my child?” … the question is “How much will this help my child?”
Reader’s Rating: 2 / 5
I establish that the concepts in this book, while useful, were repeated over and over and over and over. I was turned off by this as were the clients i questioned to read it.
Reader’s Rating: 2 / 5