The Dance of Connection: How to Talk to Someone When You’re Mad, Hurt, Scared, Frustrated, Insulted, Betrayed, or Desperate
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- ISBN13: 9780060956165
- Condition: NEW
- Notes: Brand New from Publisher. No Remainder Mark.
Product Description
In her most affirming and life-changing book yet, Dr. Harriet Lerner teaches us how to restore like and tie with the people who matter the most. In The Dance of Tie we learn what to say (and not say) when:
- We need an apology, and the person who has harmed us won’t make an apology or be accountable.
- We don’t know how to take a conversation to the next level when we feel desperate.
- We feel worn down by the additional person’s criticism, negativity, or irresponsible behavior.
- We have been rejected or cut off, and the additional person won’t show up for the conversation.
- We are struggling with staying or leaving, and we don’t know our “bottom line.”
- We are convinced that we’ve tried everything — and nothing changes.
Filled with compelling personal tales and case examples, Lerner outlines bold new “voice lessons” that show us how to speak with honor and personal integrity, even when the additional person behaves terribly.
Whether we’re dealing with a partner, parent, sister, or best friend, The Dance of Tie teaches us how to navigate our most vital relationships with clarity, courage, and jolly conviction.
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And of course I judge everyone can benefit by learning “emotional intellectualism” and how to “fight honest”–just for their own personal evolution, etc. –But, I also know from bitter personal experience, that one can reach out, send hugs, letters, gifts, cards, calls, not expect (nor even desire) an apology from a name who really is at fault, really has hurt and/or betrayed you in some way–and all you want to say is “ouch, please don’t do “x” cause it hurts me”–only to find that no amount of logic, like, communication and/or caring can make that additional human care and/or reciprocrate–or even listen to one for that matter–but the worst is when this even includes ones’ closest and most intimate blood relatives. The deepest cut is when the person you’re attempting to reach is your own supposedly superior, intellegent, PhD-educated, IBM veteran father and your three grown (all 30-50 year ancient) college educated, professional, so-called “successful” brothers.
But each and every effort on my part to communicate (so far anyway–5 years now–but “never say never” I guess–but let’s face it–it’s going to be “never”–My own mom died when I was 7 and there’s no one to support or take my side now) has met with either NO response (best scenario), or else my letters/gifts returned by the PostMan, unopened and marked “refused by sender” (a small worse)–or (worst case scenario) you get horrible ranting hostile personal attacking email, or phone call which attacks you personally as being “unfit” or “terrible” human deserving of nothing excellent–and completely failing to take up the hurt one had originally mentioned, and attempted to resolve–just adding a heap of new painful hostilie attacks on one as a replacement for. I never believed one’s own father could choose his ego/pride over his only daughter’s heart and soul–but I was incorrect. I am a living example that sometimes…”sh-t happens.” And you cannot stop it. Unfair “sh-t” happens and you’re powerless to prevent and/or resolve it. A relationship involves 2 people. 1 person cannot fix it. No matter how hard she might try or desire it otherwise. And that is a pain I hope no one else (although I’m sure there must be some) has to share with me.
Just a word to the “wise…” (and/or “ignorant”–as the case may be)
Thanks! And don’t stop trying anyway, ok? Shalom, to all my human brothers and sisters–all human siblings everywhere…
Reader’s Rating: 3 / 5
The title of this book is very intriguing and the theme of learning how to improve communication skills when things are rough is very compelling. I was astonished and very dissapointed with the leader’s approach – so much so, that I was not able to make it past page 35. I would not have made the expenditure had I known that the leader made a platform for her philosophy of relationships. Had that been my interest at the time, there are far more appealing treatises on the theme. I rate this book as a 1 because there isn’t a lower number.
Reader’s Rating: 1 / 5
A Wonderful insite to relationships!
Simple read! Helpful in understanding relative difficulties.
Reader’s Rating: 5 / 5
Haven’t read this one yet but like the additional books I’ve read by the leader. She’s a fantastic help in understanding the dances we participate in with others and the outcomes from the way we dance.
Reader’s Rating: 5 / 5
book in brilliant conditions, fantastic quality and manner of language! one of the best books I’ve read, highly recommended for everyone in the search of wellness in all relationships
Reader’s Rating: 5 / 5