The Austere Academy
Where to buy The Austere College books online?
- ISBN13: 9780064408639
- Condition: NEW
- Notes: Brand New from Publisher. No Remainder Mark.
Product Description
Dear Reader,
If you are looking for a tale about cheerful youngsters spending a jolly time at boarding school, look elsewhere. Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire arc intelligent and resourceful children, and you might expect that they would do very well at school. Don’t. For the Baudelaires, school turns out to be another miserable episode in their unlucky lives.
Truth be told, within the chapters that make up this dreadful tale, the children will face snapping crabs, strict punishments, dripping fungus, comprehensive exams, violin recitals, S.O.R.E., and the metric system.
It is my solemn duty to stay up all night researching and writing the history of these three hapless youngsters, but you may be more comfortable getting a excellent night’s sleep. In that case, you should probably choose some additional book.
With all due respect,
Lemony Snicket
As the three Baudelaire orphans warily approach their new home–Prufrock Preparatory School–they can’t help but notice the enormous stone arch impact the school’s motto Memento Mori, or “Remember you will die.” This is not a cheerful greeting, and certainly inscription an inauspicious beginning to a very bleak tale. Of course, this is what we have come to expect from Lemony Snicket’s Series of Unfortunate Events, the deliciously sinister set of books that started with The Terrible Beginning and only got worse.
In The Austere College, Violet, Klaus, and Sunny are at first optimistic–attending school is a welcome change for the book-loving trio, and the college is allegedly safe from the dreaded Count Olaf, who is after their chance. Hope dissipates quickly, but, when they meet Vice Principal Nero, a self-professed genius violinist who sneeringly imitates their every word. More dreadful still, he houses them in the tin Orphans Shack, crawling with toe-biting crabs and dripping with a mysterious tan fungus. A beam of light shines through the despair when the Baudelaires meet the Quagmires, two of three orphaned triplets who are no strangers to disaster and sympathize with their quandary. When Count Olaf appears on the scene disguised as Coach Genghis (covering his monobrow with a turban and his ankle tattoo with expensive running shoes), the Quagmires resolve to come to the aid of their new friends. Sadly, this proves to be a hideous mistake.
Snicket disarms us again with his playful juxtapositions–only he can compare bombs with strawberry shortcake (both are as treacherous to make as assumptions), muse on how babies adjust developmentally to the thought of curtains, or ponder why the Baudelaire orphans would not want to be stalks of celery despite their incessant terrible luck as humans. We can’t get enough of this splendid series of misadventures, and can only wager that swarms of young readers will be right next to us in line for the next installment. (Ages 9 and older) –Karin Snelson
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That is the worst spectacle of childrens lituture I’ve ever seen. It made me cringe and nearly vomit. It is not fitting for anyone above being born. If you want to read a excellent book read Holes, by Louis Sacher. He, unlike L. Snicket knows how to write a excellent book. I hope this review is helpful because I am just trying to help the excellent ancient American consumer. You might want to listen to me , for no matter how harsh I sound I’m just trying to help.
Thank you for your time.
Reader’s Rating: 1 / 5
That’s it! I’m done reading this series to my Fifth Grade class. Teaching in a school that has over 50% free or cut-rate meals, the last thing my charges need to hear are the unfortunate events of some kids who will be wealthy sometime in the “future”. When will the future take place? Is the leader going to write these inane and improbable tales forever lacking any end in sight? In what year (real time) will Violet become of age? I don’t know. If the leader would let us know when these unfortunate events are going to end, then maybe my students and I will hang in there. Lacking a timeline, we’re outta here.
Reader’s Rating: 1 / 5
this book is very disapointing in that u cant read one book you have to read every book in the series so that it makes sense
and constantly the leader clarifies his words as if no one knows what lucky means?????
geeeeez
not excellent i am disapointed
and i have to write a novel study ont this book bah
Reader’s Rating: 1 / 5
This leader’s books are compared to Edward Gorey’s; Gorey has an adult following. I realize these books are printed for the (children’s) tale rather than the artwork (unlike Gorey’s books), but I judge the leader tries to appeal to adult collectors as well as to young readers. As an adult hoping for an amusing and tame but macabre read, I was disappointed in his series. The leader enjoys his own sense of humor very much; I can’t say the same for the reader. My question is, how many times will he keep rehashing the same plot, with the same unfunny villain? Even the kids are going to catch on and grow tired of the same mediocre tale appearing over and over. This is not an leader who crosses over into the world of adult reading, much as he tries.
Reader’s Rating: 2 / 5
Take Lemony Snicket seriously when he says don’t read it!
People can write just about any ridiculous thing and call it a children’s book.
Don’t let your kids read this mind rotting dribble.
If fish were in your shoes they would suffocate.
I see no virtue in repeating a terrible formula over and over again.
This book is more dismal and less imaginative than the last terrible one
and the pictures aren’t even as excellent.
Reader’s Rating: 1 / 5