That’s Not What I Meant!: How Conversational Style Makes or Breaks Your Relations with Others
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In this classic work – her first – Tannen brilliantly tackles crucial interactions, looking at conversations with colleagues, bosses, friends and family tree. Engaging, accessible and absolutely compelling, Tannen once again shows us what’s really shaping – or breaking- our relationships with others.
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Too regularly today vested interests present inane theses encouraging support of the subjects that provide their sustenance. The thesis of this book, that individuals should take advantage of metamessage concepts, results in deception. That there is an effect made by tone of voice, language style, speed of speech, etc. etc. cannot be denied. Persons interested in communication, but, attempt to eliminate these effects, not take advantage of them. Tannen’s information might be place to use to eliminate the dissimulation commonly encountered today, but the more obvious use is to encourage non-verbal misdirection. The most obvious example is our president. I have never seen such sincerity supporting a provable lie. Would that this area of expertise sink lacking a trace.
Reader’s Rating: 1 / 5
Dr. Deborah Tannen’s book, “That’s Not What I Meant,” is another execise in her customized brand of Feminism: highly gullibe, overly-simplistic,and ultimately unconvincing. Even her book title’s are segways to her despondent and indifferent ideals of how men and women really speak.
Dr. Tannen, a Georgetown University professor, has written yet another over-hyped social commentator book attempting to make sense of linguistics between men and women. Her tired attempts to provoke men into language like women. Continously, she propells the notion that men are liguistically-challenged because they don’t follow her prescribed patterns of femme-speak.
Ultimately, the book bottoms-out by the second chapter. everything else seems a sad reguritation of her previous books. If anything readers have learned about Deborah Tannen is her compassionate feminism and inability to know men.
Dr. Tannen should resort to her agreed occupation rather than marketing herself as an leader. Agreed her title of Doctor, she is already spreading herself way too thin.
Reader’s Rating: 1 / 5
Tannen believes that men comunicate only in a report fassion. ‘Only the facts, mame.’ Women normally converse in a raport fassion, talking to erect relationships. Tannen (a woman) doesn’t know that men erect raport by talking the facts. How to fix an engine, sports stats, politics, etc. The condenced book form of this book would be a best seller and would go like this, “Men and women misunderstand each additional all the time. It is worth the work and time to admit this and question for clarification.”
Reader’s Rating: 1 / 5
The basic information in this book is invaluable, but the Leader’s style resembles that of high school student. The book is written in a classic outline style (I’m going to talk about this now), it’s impersonal and has cold examples. Dr. Tannen doesn’t seem to give much if any of her own realizations, as a replacement for she consistantly refers to additional experts. I constantly felt as though I was reading a report written for a social psychology class.
Reader’s Rating: 2 / 5
Tannen addressed problems in interpersonal communication, which is caused by metamessages, cultural difference, disparate chatty styles and choices, and misunderstood intentions (especially between men and women). With no doubt this is quality and eye-opening information to know and to keep in mind. Yet Tannen’s account also provokes widespread dread that people will no longer communicate with one another at the risk of hurting or misunderstanding others.
I judge that we should all keep in mind cultural, gender, and ever age differences in using metamessages and communicating through body languages and facial expressions. People might choose to speak indrectly to avoid confrontation or be polite. Yet I don’t agree with the fact that “the more contact people have with each additional, the more opportunities both have to do things in their own way and be misunderstood.” In a way, Tannen is giving people (especially couples with problematic marriages), an excuse not to talk things out and prompt what’s in mind and on their hearts.
Conversations, if abiding all the rules and guidelines according to Tannen, will become manipulative. Everything becomes taboo in the household and people will only feel more isolated. People misunderstand others (in many occasions), because of unspoken bitterness, frustration, and shameful thoughts that don’t want to be confronted. They let out frustrated emotions and blow out no tiny thing like “Where do you want to go dinner?” or some silly small argument that later on becomes fights. People will NOT be able to speak from the heart until they make a choice to be vulnerable and open. Reflect about why people feel frustrated – because they cannot be completely open about their lives. They are worried to be confronted, challenged, and even questioned how they are doing.
Misunderstanding might play a small part, but you cannot solve relationship problem only by casting the misunderstanding. Deal with deceit and dread in heart.
Reader’s Rating: 3 / 5