Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage: America’s Love Lab Experts Share Their Strategies for Strengthening Your Relationship
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Product Description
In 1994, Dr. John Gottman and his colleagues at the University of Washingto— made a startling announcement: Through scientific observation and algebraic analysis, they could predict—with more than 90 percent accuracy—whether a marriage would make it or fail. The only thing they did not yet know was how to turn a failing marriage into a successful one, so Gottman teamed up with his clinical psychologist wife, Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, to renovate intervention methods. Now the Gottmans, together with the Like Lab research facility, have place these thoughts into practice. In Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage, the Gottmans share this vital information so that couples can renovate the skills to turn their relationship problems around and make strong, lasting unions.
What emerged from the Gottmans’ collaboration and decades of research is a body of advice that’s based on two surprisingly simple truths: Happily married couples behave like excellent friends, and they handle their conflicts in gentle, positive ways. The authors offer an intimate look at ten couples who have learned to work through potentially destructive problems—extramarital affairs, workaholism, parenthood adjustments, serious illnesses, lack of intimacy—and examine what they’ve done to improve communication and get their marriages back on track.
Giving an insider’s view of the Like Lab, the Gottmans take the reader step-by-step through the couples’ conversations, before and after they are counseled. The authors also provide an analysis of the couples’ interactions, identifying their core problems and offering suggestions for resolving them. By “listening” to the discussions in this way, you will learn to detect the most common stumbling blocks of a relationship and—most vital—how to avoid them.
Hundreds of thousands have seen their relationships improve thanks to the Gottmans’ work. Whether you want to make a strong relationship more fulfilling or rescue one that’s headed for disaster, Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage is essential reading.
From inside the famed Gottman Institute, aka the “Like Lab”: ten scientifically proven, practical ways to strengthen your marriage
“We don’t feel close anymore.”
“You never talk to me.”
“We only have time for the kids.”
“All you do is work.”
“You don’t care about my dreams.”
Do you admit yourself, or your spouse, in any of these statements? If so, Dr. John Gottman and his wife, Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, say you shouldn’t be surprised. In fact, their decades of scientific research have shown that most couples face these and additional serious problems—but what the Gottmans have proven is that such difficulties don’t have to lead to a broken relationship, or even divorce.
In Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage, the Gottmans provide vital tools—scientifically based and empirically verified—that you can use to regain affection and romance lost through years of ineffective communication. You’ll strengthen your relationship and make it the most fulfilling it can be.
From the Hardcover edition.
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Gottman bases his information on levelheaded research and makes it very reader friendly. I reflect this is a excellent book for couples to read aloud together, using the concepts as a springboard for meaningful conversations. Fully five star.
Reader’s Rating: 1 / 5
Truly a fantastic book from a fantastic leader. From the authors of “Making Your Own Way To Happiness.”
Reader’s Rating: 5 / 5
I bought this for my 23 year ancient daughter who had broken up with her boyfriend. After reading this book she realized she had made a mistake and they are seeing each additional again and more pleased.
Reader’s Rating: 5 / 5
Many couples need help figuring out their marriage or relationship and this certainly helped me with mine. A lot of it is common sense of things you read in magazines or see on Oprah but this is nice to have it written out so you can take it in, practice and come back to when you need a excellent reminder of how to talk to your spouse.
The communication strategies helped me see what I was doing right and what I was messing up on. A few months after I bought this I establish the book Because It Feels Excellent which helped me see what else I could do better at in terms of the bedroom (sex). After all, the “10 Lessons to Transform Your Marriage” book does wonders for day to day stuff but – oddly enough – it doesn’t touch on the sex aspect. Between “10 Lessons” and “Because It Feels Excellent” I learned to (a) communicate better with my partner and (b) learn to like sex again (thanks to Because It Feels Excellent). Both books helps us in different ways. Even if you reflect you know it all, give this book a try – it might help you, too, so you can get along better and stay together.
Reader’s Rating: 4 / 5
“10 Lessons to Transform Your Marriage” is based on the interactions of ten couples who are concerned about their marriages and are willing to do what it takes to make more harmony and like in their relationship. This book shows ineffective and effective communications as recorded in a “like lab” set up by John and Julie Gottman.
Each chapter starts with some background about the couple and then proceeds into a section where the couple has a real-life conversation. This discloses the main problems in the relationship and then John and Julie Gottman give their analysis on the situation.
Here are the situations these couples find themselves in:
Mike and Maria need to lose weight and find time to nurture their relationship
Candace and David are recovering from David’s affair and Candace wants to know she is #1
Sam is a workaholic and Katie wants him to spend more time with her
Marilyn and Bob have developed communication problems since Bob has been retired
Steve and Denise want to go on a dream trip to India
Kevin and Suzanne have financial problems and Kevin is depressed
Craig and Beth are caught up in an argument about dividing up household chores
Jack and Maureen feel their relationship lacks passion
Ron and Melissa don’t have time for each additional
Terry wants stability while Amanda lives for excitement
Do you see any similarities in the problems these couples are facing and the ones you have in your own marriage? By reading this book you will realize what is detrimental to your relationship and what to do to solve recurring problems.
I like that all of these couples were willing to make changes so they had more effective communication. It really was as simple as developing some new communication skills.
If you have noticed an increase in criticism, defensiveness, contempt or stonewalling you could be headed for divorce. This book could help you analyze your own relationship and find creative solutions so you can remain married to the person you like.
Here are some additional books I’ve establish helpful in my own marriage:
Cracking the Communication Code: The Secret to Language Your Mate’s Language
How to Get Your Spouse to Talk to You
The Five Like Languages: How to Prompt Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate
Like & Respect: The Like She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs
For Women Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men
Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex
The Like Dare
The Secrets of Happily Married Women: How to Get More Out of Your Relationship by Doing Less
7 Stages of Marriage: Laughter, Intimacy and Passion Today, Tomorrow, Forever
The Secrets of Happily Married Men: Eight Ways to Win Your Wife’s Heart Forever
~The Rebecca Review
Reader’s Rating: 3 / 5