Official Book Club Selection: A Memoir According to Kathy Griffin
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Product Description
A Conversation with Kathy Griffin:
Q: State your name and profession.
KG: My name is Kathy Griffin, and I am a teller of d**k jokes. And a plumber.
Q: This is your first book. Had you ever considered writing anything before? A novel? Or a work of past erudition? Or a children’s tale?
KG: I had not considered it, because I’d permanently been told by the nuns at St. Bernadine’s that my cursive was poor. A children’ s tale is an appealing thought. How’s this for a title: “Waterboarding Pre-Teens: The Debate is Back On.” I have a political side as well.
Q: You seem honestly obsessed with Oprah. Is this something you’ll ever outgrow?
KG: I will never outgrow my obsession with Oprah. Just as she will never outgrow her cardigan sweaters. Oops, she already has. Now look, that sounds like a dig, but it’s not. It’s called a struggle, and I’m on it with her. I support her. (Not as much as she needs persons underwire bras to support her, because she’s got some serious ropes and pulleys going on there.) The point is, I worship her, and dread her at the same time. And judge me, that’ s how she wants it. Don’t be fooled.
Q: Did I miss something? Where’s Celine Dion in this book?
KG: I didn’t write about Celine Dion, only because of my dread of her spouse Rene Angelil. I have an unfounded but constant dread that he could be in the French-Canadian mafia. Or have French-Canadian mafia ties, and by ties I don’t mean les cravats. And I dread that I may be abducted, whisked away and held prisoner at a charming small brasserie in Montreal, forced to eat multiple Croque Monsieur sandwiches until I confess to knowing the lyrics to every single one of her songs.
Q: What do you reflect gays should take away from reading this book?
KG: I reflect the gays should be pleased with this book. It talks a lot about being who you are, and I certainly mention a lot of gay people. I would say it certainly has strong gay themes, and the gay community should know that frankly it has been a moral struggle for me to even acknowledge the heterosexual community in this book at all. But I am slowly reaching out an lime branch to the heterosexual community, even though I judge everything they do goes against the teachings of Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. But I’m trying not to judge them.
Q: Clarify your ideal, make-a-wish day of personal experiences with bats**t celebrities.
KG: Well, it would start with some sort of a fit in the hair-and-makeup trailer on a set. I heard a tale that when Sharon Stone was effective on “Casino,” she got into such a fight with her hairdresser, that after he spent four hours doing this gorgeous bouffant hairdo for her, she got up and walked in the sink and place her head underwater. I have no thought if that’s right, but I hope it is, cause that’s some awesome s**t I want to see. Then it would go right to lunch, where I could witness an eating disorder. Maybe a Lohan is riddance in a bush somewhere with her finger down her throat. Or perhaps there’s an Olsen twin on a scale crying because she finally tipped 100. Any outburst over weight I would cherish. Also, it would be fantastic to see an actress have a workload meltdown. So maybe at 2:00 some A-lister adage, “I can’t handle this s**t anymore.” Because I like when actors can’t deal with a normal workday, and they reflect two in the afternoon is like midnight, so I want to see somebody storming to their car, exhausted because they’ve place in a grueling four-hour workday of adage three lines and texting their nanny. Then it’s maybe off to an illicit affair. At the top of my wish list would be following a rapper or a football player over to his baby mama’s house where a screaming match ensues to the point where a name, maybe me, has to anonymously dial 911, and then I take a couple pictures, and I become an unannounced star witness later at the examination, entering Joan Collins-style in a smashing hat. And then at the end of the day it’s a healthy round of clubbing with Janice Dickinson, and then on the way home we go to the Beverly Glen pharmacy and run into Paula Abdul. All three of us secretly take our tiny white-paper pharmacy bags and place them behind our backs and make uncomfortable tiny talk.
Official Book Club Selection is Kathy Griffin unplugged, uncensored, and unafraid to dish about what really happens on the road, away from the cameras, and at the star party after the show. (It’s also her huge chance to score that coveted book club endorsement she’s permanently wanted. Are you there, Oprah? It’s me, Kathy.)
Kathy Griffin has won Emmys for her reality show Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List, been nominated for a Grammy, worked and walked every red carpet known to man, and rung in the New Year with Anderson Cooper. But the legions of fans who pack Kathy’s sold-out comedy shows have heard only part of her remarkable tale. Writing with her trademark wit, the feisty comic settles a few ancient scores, celebrates the friends and mentors who helped her claw her way to the top, and shares insider gossip about celebrity behavior–the excellent, the terrible, and the very hideous. She recounts the crazy ups and downs of her own career and introduces us to some of the supertalented people she encountered before they got legendary (or, in some cases, after fame went to their heads). Word to the wise: If you’ve ever crossed Kathy Griffin at some point in your life, check the pointer for your name.
Along the way, Kathy reveals intimate details about her life before and after she made the huge time. She opens up about everything from growing up with a dysfunctional family tree in suburban Illinois to bombing as a young comedian in L.A., from her well-publicized plastic surgery disasters to her highly publicized divorce, and more. Only in this book will you learn how the dinner table is the best training ground for a career in stand-up, how language your mind can bite you on the ass and buy you a house, and which people in Kathy’s life have taught her the most valuable lessons–both inside and outside the entertainment industry. And as if all that wasn’t enough, there are also dozens of exclusive and to some extent embarrassing photos from Kathy’s own collection–featuring the diva of the D List herself, with her ancient nose as well as her new one, plus celebrity friends, foes, frenemies, and hangers-on for you to gawk at.
Refreshingly candid, unflinchingly honest, and full of hilarious “Did she really say that?” moments, Official Book Club Selection will make you laugh until you weep, or just puke up a small bit.
From the Hardcover edition.Amazon.com Review
Book Description
Official Book Club Selection is Kathy Griffin unplugged, uncensored, and unafraid to dish about what really happens on the road, away from the cameras, and at the star party after the show. (It’s also her huge chance to score that coveted book club endorsement she’s permanently wanted. Are you there, Oprah? It’s me, Kathy.)
Kathy Griffin has won Emmys for her reality show Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List, been nominated for a Grammy, worked and walked every red carpet known to man, and rung in the New Year with Anderson Cooper. But the legions of fans who pack Kathy’s sold-out comedy shows have heard only part of her remarkable tale. Writing with her trademark wit, the feisty comic settles a few ancient scores, celebrates the friends and mentors who helped her claw her way to the top, and shares insider gossip about celebrity behavior—the excellent, the terrible, and the very hideous. She recounts the crazy ups and downs of her own career and introduces us to some of the supertalented people she encountered before they got legendary (or, in some cases, after fame went to their heads). Word to the wise: If you’ve ever crossed Kathy Griffin at some point in your life, check the pointer for your name.
Along the way, Kathy reveals intimate details about her life before and after she made the huge time. She opens up about everything from growing up with a dysfunctional family tree in suburban Illinois to bombing as a young comedian in L.A., from her well-publicized plastic surgery disasters to her highly publicized divorce, and more. Only in this book will you learn how the dinner table is the best training ground for a career in stand-up, how language your mind can bite you on the ass and buy you a house, and which people in Kathy’s life have taught her the most valuable lessons—both inside and outside the entertainment industry.
Refreshingly candid, unflinchingly honest, and full of hilarious “Did she really say that?” moments, Official Book Club Selection will make you laugh until you weep, or just puke up a small bit.
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How many of Kathy’s friends wrote the reviews for this book? I am sorry but I read the book and it’s about a self-indulged, insecure, self-absorbed lost woman. I cannot judge I wasted my time nor money.
Reader’s Rating: 1 / 5
I can’t judge the reviews I’m reading here. Must be her family tree writing them. I noted that the first reviewer said that she was a name who would normally be ignored. I’d have to agree, she doesn’t have anything to offer society, not even entertainment. Unless I could throw rocks at her. I’d pay huge money for that.
Probably one of the most insecure, miserable, grave pieces of work I’ve ever seen or read. I was willing to give the book a chance, mostly because it was the only book at a safari club, left by the last guest. No doubt as bored as I was.
She’s physically frightening with all the surgery she’s had and she just isn’t amusing; she’s obnoxious, unlovable and grave. I like irreverance but she’s so obvious and so over the top that my heart really nearly goes out to a name so desperate for the attention she could probably never get at home. “Please, God, a name pay attention to me!!!?” That’s the only thing I heard throughout this book. Bring shame on on her parents…!
Obviously I’m bitter over spending my time reading this book when I could have been doing something more pleasant, like shoving bamboo shoots under my nails.
Reader’s Rating: 1 / 5
I bought this book as gift for my wife as she enjoys Griffin’s comedy. It was sitting around so I read the thing. Kathy Griffin is disgusting, it is obvious that she needs a lot of attention, probably because she grew up as the “not so cute” kid. Seems she spent her early life having sex with just about anyone/anywhere and her later life trying to buy the beauty her low self esteem craves. The chapter on Wozniak was unadorned stupid, just like her “comedy”. What we have here is a very bitter person who makes a living out of trashing others. No real talent needed to do that.
Reader’s Rating: 1 / 5
I am a Kathy Griffin fan. I like MY LIFE ON THE D LIST. But I establish this book to be kind of annoying. I get that part of Kathy’s act is to come across like she has ADD. It’s amusing to watch but reading it is taxing on your patience. A lot of the jokes are just more of the same. Kathy doesn’t ever seem to have much to say about anything additional than celebrities. Unless you are a die-hard Kathy fan, I’d skip this book. Check out Chelsea Handler’s stuff. She’s similar to Kathy but a small fresher and less worried to step out of her comfort zone.
Reader’s Rating: 2 / 5
Some was appealing, but far too much swearing. It seems she just wants to shock and wanted to learn more about her family tree in a way that did not make me want to call to report child abuse.
Not the best book or even close to it.
Vonda Singleton
Reader’s Rating: 3 / 5