Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough
Where to buy Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Excellent Enough books online?
- ISBN13: 9780525951513
- Condition: NEW
- Notes: Brand New from Publisher. No Remainder Mark.
Product Description
You have a fulfilling job, a fantastic group of friends, the perfect apartment, and no shortage of dates. So what if you haven’t establish The One just yet. Surely he’ll come along, right?
But what if he doesn’t? Or even worse, what if he already has, but you just didn’t realize it?
Suddenly finding herself forty and single, Lori Gottlieb said the unthinkable in her March 2008 article in The Atlantic: Maybe she and single women everywhere, needed to stop chasing the elusive Prince Charming and as a replacement for go for Mr. Excellent Enough.
Looking at her friends’ pleased marriages to excellent enough guys who take place to be brilliant husbands and fathers, Gottlieb confirmed it time to reevaluate what we really need in a partner. Her thoughts made a firestorm of controversy from outlets like the Today show to The Washington Post, which wrote, “Agreed the perennial shortage of perfect men, Gottlieb’s probably got a point,” to Newsweek and NPR, which confirmed, “Lori Gottlieb didn’t want to take her mother’s advice to be less picky, but now that she’s turned forty, she wonders if her mother is right.” Women all over the world were talking. But while many people agreed that they should have more realistic expectations, what did that really mean out in the real world, where Gottlieb and women like her were inexorably drawn to their “type”?
That’s where Marry Him comes in.
By looking at everything from culture to biology, in Marry Him Gottlieb frankly explores the dilemma that so many women today seem to face–how to reconcile the strong desire for a spouse and family tree with a list of must-haves so long and intricate that many fantastic guys get rejected out of the gate. Here Gottlieb shares her own journey in the quest for romantic fulfillment, and in the process gets wise guidance and surprising insights from marital researchers, matchmakers, dating coaches, behavioral economists, neuropsychologists, sociologists, couples therapists, divorce lawyers, and clergy–as well as single and married men and women, ranging in age from their twenties to their sixties.
Marry Him is an eye-opening, regularly amusing, sometimes painful, and permanently truthful in-depth examination of the modern dating landscape, and ultimately, a provocative wake- up call about getting real about Mr. Right.
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Underlying women’s supposed inability to find the fantastic guy, there is an insidious undermining dynamic at work, of women’s very own building, which neither Ms. Gottlieb nor any additional ‘dating’ writer that I am aware of has addressed or is seemingly even aware of. The underlying, unspoken reality is that women, (by employing hard-to-get strategies), have completely outgamed men in the dating and mating game and, have been corrupted and undermined by taking advantage of this unfair dating imbalance.
Women have a major advantage over men in the dating world. In today’s world a woman of average looks (a five lets say) is capable of getting a guy who is of much more handsome (lets say an eight or a nine), whereas the converse is not right, as a guy who is a five will regularly struggle to get a women of equal level and find it extremely hard to get a woman of a privileged level (reflect about it ~ why would a woman who is a five, who can gets eights and nines, “settle” for a guy at her level of five ?) Or imagine a woman of average looks wants to meet a man, if she went to a bar (or some additional singles meeting type place), all she would have to do is to start talking to a few nice looking guys and there is a very high degree of likelihood that if she chose to, she could have a romantic liaison and potential boyfriend that very evening. For a guy the exact opposite is right. An average looking guy can go to bars (or additional singles meeting places) for weeks or months on end and then maybe, if he is very lucky, find a woman (who is regularly at best average looking) who then wants and expects to be wined and dined for weeks while she considers whether to be intimate with him.
Taking full advantage of an unfair and undeserved situation is a temptation that few, if any women, seem to be able to resist and, of course acceding to this temptation is exactly what has place women in the quandary that Ms. Gottlieb describes (remember the ancient adage ~ power corrupts !). Women, drunk with power that this mating advantage has agreed them (and encouraged and enabled by shows like Sex in the City), have come to feel a sense of dating/mating entitlement. They feel that just because they are capable of bedding men of a much privileged “looks” level than they are, and doing so pretty much whenever they so desire, that if they were to date a mere average man, a man at their own level, they would be forced to “settle” for a name very far beneath the type of man that they have been capable of bedding. What women, especially persons who set their sights on men of a much privileged level, refuse to accept is that their advantage is limited ~ yes, it is right that woman can bed men of a much privileged level, and with relative ease, but, it is also right that these very same women are all too regularly incapable of keeping these same men for very long (these men will bed a lower level women simply because that is what’s available at a particular moment in time, but, they will all too regularly, just as quickly dump these lower level women so that they can be with a name of their own privileged level.) These women’s natural inclination is to blame their quandary on the disloyal privileged level men, when in reality, it is themselves who are to blame for trying to take advantage of the unfair dating imbalance that exists in today’s world and, even worse, for believing that is what they are entitled to and for deceiving themsleves by wholeheartedly believing that considering anyone lesser than what they are used to is “settling”.
Reader’s Rating: 1 / 5
Relationship books strike me as very curious. This one in particular takes to task women who might have unrealistic expectations for a mate. Well if you have a list of items as long as Ms. Gottlieb did then perhaps YOU are the one who needs psychological evaluation, and maybe YOU are not an attractive mate, because your thoughts are too eccentric. It goes the same for a man who has an infinite checklist of items he wants in a woman.
Ladies, do yourself a favor, and save your money. There are additional, better more insightful books to spend money on.
Reader’s Rating: 3 / 5
The message of this book is not only unhealthy, it’s downright harmful. No man is perfect. (No woman is perfect either.) But the partnership of marriage is profound and shouldn’t be entered into simply because a name–anyone–pressures you. If Lori Gottlieb thinks women don’t already feel crippling amounts of strain, or that they don’t already compromise and tolerate reasonably enough, she’s from another planet.
Gottlieb’s number one priority is to sell her book and make money. Not to help women have better lives and better marriages. If so, she wouldn’t act as if her pedestrian observations are somehow insightful and revolutionary. And she certainly wouldn’t act as if she’s telling women anything they don’t already know. Women should have realistic expectations. REALLY!? WHO KNEW!?
Take a look around. My bet is that you can easily pick out the women who got married simply because they were in a hasten to have kids. Or because they needed help paying the bills. Or because they lacked self-confidence and did, in fact, settle for Mr. Right Now. Sorry ladies, but Mr. Right Now is Tiger Woods. Make no mistake about it.
This book has caused a stir, yes. But people are calling it controversial, which it isn’t. Unless that excruciating speech your mom gives you after one of your friends gets married before you is controversial. “You know, Darlene, you aren’t getting any younger.” Now imagine paying $18 for that speech. Hole in the head, right?
I’m stunned that people are wasting their time and money with this. Don’t waste yours. If you truly need a guide, I recommend If The Buddha Dated by Charlotte Kasl. Kasl is compassionate, smart, and supportive. She is a Ph.D and a practicing therapist. Her book is empowering, not insulting.
Reader’s Rating: 1 / 5
“People seem not to see that their opinion of the world is also a confession of character.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson…that’s the quote that runs through my head everytime this woman opens her mouth. Things didn’t work out in her life the way she wanted them to, so as a replacement for of looking at the positive things in her life, the fact that she is a self sufficient woman with a child and obviously very successful, she’s focusing on what she doesn’t have and declares to the world “women must settle to be pleased!” No one has to settle for anything they don’t want. She could have written a book about finding the excellent in life, inspiring the millions of single parents out there (many of whom started as a married couple) to find joy in their lives despite the fact that things didn’t turn out the way they wanted. To me, Lori, for a 40 something year ancient woman, still has a lot of growing up to do.
Reader’s Rating: 1 / 5
The LARGE problem with this book is that it is based upon the faulty assumption that all married women who settle or “compromise” are somehow pleased and she is the one who is miserable and second-guessing her life (because she refused to settle). The leader needed to spend time in the real world (and not the literary/ivory tower of writing). In the real world, you will hear about the 1 in 3 women who are abused by their husbands or the 1 in 4 children who suffer physical and/or psychological abuse at the hands of their fathers. The real world is not filled with “happily married women” who are all glad that they settled or married Mr. Excellent Enough. After 41 years she doesn’t realize this???? Is she that naive?
In her book, every example of a married woman is pleased and every example of a single women is sad and lonely and regretting her life. That is not the real world and the leader has diluted herself into believing this underlying fake assumption as right.
Also, this book is a memoir of her life…not a dating book. The whole book is about her experiences filled in with interviews here and there of matchmakers, psychologists, lonely single friends. Any additional dating book I have read has had more substance and content. PLUS this book tries to make women judge that if they don’t “settle” or “compromise” as she clarifies then they will end up lonely, bitter, and full of regret. I have met more married and divorced women who are lonely, bitter, and full of regret than single women. Not everyone’s experiences are the same and not every women who marries is blissfully pleased that she settled. In fact, many married women share how they should have waited…something she never reveals or even ponders in her book. Furthermore, the scars that a woman experiences after coming out of a hard divorce far outweigh the loneliness of an leader who has never veteran the right scenery of loss and regret. This book is a waste of time.
The leader made some poor choices in her life…but this does not extend to every single womens’ shared experience nor does every single women have the same attitude/circumstances that she clarifies. For some being alone *IS* better than being with a name that you either don’t like; annoys you; can’t stand; can’t see the next 50 years with or worse yet abuses you mentally or physically. She blissfully ignores all of this and focuses on the ‘Mr. Excellent Enough Guys’ she let go. First, there was a reason the leader let them go (or they let her go) and MORE IMPORTANTLY she ignores the small reality called destiny….there is a reason persons relationships didn’t work out. She refers to being Jewish in the book on many occastions (and how she wants to marry a Jewish man) yet she has very small faith in a privileged power and a amusing thing called destiny. This book is not a dating book but about a woman who has a mid-life crisis and tries to write a book analyzing why this is happening to her and tries to convince additional women they will have the same fate. Again, destinies are all different and not all women who “compromise” and settle are overjoyed at their choice.
On a last note, she is so overly critical and judgemental of prospective mates that it screams “daddy issues.” Maybe she should have spent more time in therapy trying to resolve persons issues as a replacement for of intellectualizing something that needs to be healed as a replacement for of over-analyzed.
Reader’s Rating: 1 / 5