Letters to a Young Therapist: Stories of Hope and Healing
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Intimate and inspiring lessons from beloved leader and therapist Mary Pipher.
Mary Pipher’s groundbreaking investigation of America’s “girl-poisoning culture,” Reviving Ophelia, has sold nearly two million copies and customary its leader as one of the nation’s foremost authorities on family tree issues.
In Letters to a Young Therapist, Dr. Pipher shares what she has learned in thirty years as a therapist, helping warring families, alienated adolescents, and harried professionals restore peace and beauty to their lives. Letters to a Young Therapist gives voice to her practice with an exhilarating mix of storytelling and sharp-eyed observation. And while her letters are addressed to an imagined young therapist, every one of us can take something away from them.
Long before “positive psychology” became a buzzword, Dr. Pipher practiced a refreshingly inventive therapy–fiercely optimistic, free of dogma or psychobabble, and laced with generous warmth and practical common sense. But not until now has this gifted healer described her unique perspective on how therapy can help us revitalize our emotional landscape in an increasingly stressful world. Whether she’s recommending daily swims for a slow-moving teenager, encouraging a timid spouse to become bolder, or simply impact witness to a bereaved parent’s sorrow, Dr. Pipher’s compassion and insight shine from every page of this thoughtful and engaging book.
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My review is a small unlike the others; it is not glowing with praise. Just reading this book today after reading all of the rave reviews it received. As a psychotherapist and a grad student in psychology, I was a small place off by the book when I first ongoing reading it. The entire book is written as letters to Laura, the leader’s “favorite graduate student.” I was a small place off by that because as a grad student, teachers exhibiting favoritism towards one particular student exhibits a lot of animosity and mixed feelings towards additional students. Not to mention, I find it a small unnerving that the leader and Laura hang out together all the time outside of grad school (as mentioned by the leader, they went for long walks, frequently eat together, etc.). I would have preferred if the leader had just written the book to (psychology) graduate students as a whole. It would make more sense to me, and place less questions as to why she is spending all of her time, energy, and effort on Laura (who is considered by the leader to be very bright and intelligible in the meadow anyway). My advice to the leader, if Laura already had a clear head on her shoulders, and got along just fine; give more of your time and advice to graduate students who are struggling and really need it.
Another area of concern for me was when the leader talked about not really sticking to one type of clientele or theoretical orientation. Now, while I will agree that as a psychotherapist, you should be knowledgeable of all orientations and types of disorders, I do not agree that you should just see every type of client (after you get done with internship of course, before that I doubt that therapists will have that luxury). As a therapist, you can end doing clients a lot of harm. Most importantly, as a all-purpose clinician, you will be less likely to get referrals or see clients unless you live in a sparsely populated area. My advice to therapists, find an area of interest and renovate it. How else will you become an practiced? You CANNOT and WILL NOT become an practiced on all psychological disorders and functions, therefore you should not market yourself as such. It makes me question the leader’s failed client cases (which by the way, I admire her for taking the risk and putting herself out there by mentioning persons). As for theoretical orientations, I agree with the leader that psychiatric help treatments/techniques should not be placed inside a box. Talk therapy is just that. Having key techniques to use are useful, but at the right time, with the right client. Being in agreement with the leader, I agree that we have to try different techniques until we are able to find a way to reach the client.
I also want to mention the leader’s take on families. She mentions that we should steer our clients away from blaming their family tree for their problems, and ultimately try to get the client to integrate themselves back into the family tree to form positive relationships (p.29). I reflect that this was ignorance on the leader’s part. All families are not made equal. While this would be ideal, it is just not realistic for everyone. While I agree that it not the goal of therapy for clients to blame their family tree for their problems, you have to give credit where credit is due. For example, if father molests his daughter, it is only natural that this would cause the daughter to have some psychological problems (so the daughter in all honesty could say that the depression that she experiences stems from her father, and she would be justified). On the additional hand, people do have to take responsibility for their actions.
Another issue that the leader brought up was healthcare insurance, and how she and her spouse didn’t care to deal with it. While I agree that dealing with HMO’s, PPO’s, POS’, and EPO’s are less than ideal; most of us do not have the luxury of taking private pay clients. I agree that the clients don’t benefit from having therapy under insurance plans (let’s face it, insurance companies all give us the fleeting end of the stick when it comes to healthcare), most likely that is what most therapists are going to have to deal with. Especially since we are in a recession. In the near future, most of us will not have the luxury to say private pay only please, or we won’t have a job.
With that being said, I felt as though the leader gave some excellent advice. Don’t see too many clients, have a life, relax outside of therapy, take care of yourself,reflect outside of the box, therapy isn’t just about CBT, PCT, etc.; you will have some failed clients but don’t get discouraged, if you are doing this career for the money, then you are doing it for the incorrect reason; you will not get the bulk of your training from textbooks, but rather from real cases and supervision; and use descriptions with clients when appropriate. It was an okay read, not fantastic but okay. It really didn’t grab my attention, and most importantly I felt the relationship that she had with Laura is a inappropriate (I find it hard to judge that I am the only one who feels that way). Otherwise, this is stuff that you can learn if you have excellent supervision.
Reader’s Rating: 3 / 5
Mary Pipher is an understanding therapist. The leader realizes
that families solve many problems on their own. The role of a
excellent therapist is to realize that he/she cannot eliminate all
ills in the world. In addition, people have limits. The leader
shows examples of how a healthy person can grow and learn from
an experience. People delight in the process of effective toward goals.
The attainment of the goal is not permanently the most joyful
event. As a replacement for, it is the wide process of socialization
involved in reaching the new plateau. The leader also clarifies
that too much endurance of others permits them to be slackers.
Endurance is a balancing trait which has limits. The leader
illustrates how fortunate children benefit by having
parents able to help in sorting through the avalanche of
life’s choices. She cautions writers to show up faithfully,
be diligent, pay attention, tell the truth and avoid apt
too attached to the results. A excellent writer must learn to be
dispassionate. Compassion should be coupled with clearheadedness.
Finally, the leader described the importance of reflection
with a reference to Charles Dickens. For every hour he wrote,
Dickens would walk an hour to reflect. This book makes for
excellent all-purpose reading. The leader provides passages extolling the
beauty of scenery, the need for pets to complement a household
and many more tidbits too copious to enumerate here.
Finally, she provides some thoughts on marriage which is defined
as the triumph of faith over experience. The book would make a
excellent addition to a personal library.
Reader’s Rating: 5 / 5
“Letters To A Young Therapist” was an incredible and enlightening book. I learned so much about the art of therapy. Having been in therapy myself for many years, it was of special interest. Mary Pipher is an brilliant writer, and this book was no exception. It’s a must read for people who are intrigued by therapy, and how much it can help in day to day living.
Reader’s Rating: 5 / 5
Mary Pipher is an incredible psychologist and leader. She is articulate in her writing and very empathetic and encouraging to young therapist. Pipher can connect personally with her audience whether it is in person (I have seen her) or through her writing.
Reader’s Rating: 5 / 5
This book is simply incredible. I am studying for my California certification in drug counseling and this book speaks to me. I’m already on my second reading. The information and tale included in this book is a must have for any young counselor or therapist in training. I highly recommend this book.
Reader’s Rating: 5 / 5