Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles: Winning for a Lifetime
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Product Description
End Persons Power Struggles and Start Connecting with Your Child
Noted family tree educator Mary Sheedy Kurcinka struck a national chord with her bestselling Raising Your Spirited Child. Now she hits upon another crucial parenting topic: coping with the everyday challenges of disciplining your child, while understanding the issues behind his or her behavior. In Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles, she offers unique approaches to solving the daily, and regularly draining, power struggles between you and your child. Kurcinka views these conflicts as rich opportunities to teach your child essential life skills, like how to deal with strong emotions and problem solve. With her successful strategies, you’ll be able to identify the trigger situations that set off these struggles and get to the root of the emotions and needs of you and your child.Amazon.com Review
Kids, parents, and power struggles–the inseparable triad of family tree life. What if you could avoid Machiavellian peacekeeping maneuverings and as a replacement for turn hard situations with your child into jumping-off points to having a better and more productive relationship? Mary Sheedy Kurcinka’s new book gives a concise, practical, and regularly humorous account of how to achieve this turnaround. Kurcinka doesn’t promise miracle cures or overnight success, but by building on Daniel Goleman’s groundbreaking work in Emotional Intelligence, she offers creative techniques for using power struggles as pathways to better understanding within any family tree. Drawing on her clinical experience with copious real-life families, Kurcinka builds up an image of the parent as an “emotion coach,” whose role is to erect a strong, connected “team” by understanding the players’ strengths and weaknesses and showing by instruction and example how best to play the game. The techniques she outlines are useful for children of any age–in fact, the younger, the better–and are based on firm guidelines and mutual respect. In sections such as “Bringing Down the Intensity,” “Enforcing Your Standards,” and “Teaching Life’s Essential Skills,” Kurcinka addresses the causes of power struggles rather than just the symptoms, so that families can lower the pain of repeated conflict. By the end of the book, any parent should feel confident in applying the principles. –Katherine Ferguson
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Mary Sheedy Kurcinka (2000) leader of `Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles’, opts to shed light upon effective strategies she believes tell to different temperament styles. In this book Kurcinka suggests that parents play the role of an “Emotion Coach”, that the parent “…enhances [the] child’s emotional intelligence…” (Kurcinka, 2000). Kurcinka most openly expresses the fact that neither kids nor parents are perfect. While I did fine Kurcinka’s drawling examples utterly tedious, she does nicely sum up each chapter with simple-to-know tips and pointers. Kurcinka’s identifies two kinds of parents and calls them “Emotion Coach” or “Intimidator”. Failing to place room for the middle ground, Kurcinka views parents either as “sensitive…and encouraging” (the Emotion Coach role), or “insensitive… and dominating” (the role of the Intimidator). It is my personal opinion that these marks could double as Barbara Coloroso’s `Brick-wall’ and `Backbone’, as they could for Diane Baumrind’s `Authoritarian’ and `Authoritative’. While there is small difference between the 3 labeling systems, Kurcinka’s mainly fails to illustrate:
1. a middle ground
2. a parenting style that alternates between `Emotion Coach’ and `Intimidator’
3. a negligent parenting style
Therefore, if you considering purchasing Kurcinka’s book for the family tree structure views, I suggest you go directly to the source and read Baumrind’s books. Back to the roles…authoritative parents, emotion coaches, and backbone families attempt to set up meaningful attachments with all family tree members. Despite the fact that siblings can be raised in a similar manner, by the same parents, there are copious children who grow up insecurely attached. Kurcinka attempts to shed light upon this not so unusual phenomenon, and refers to it as “a clash in temperament”. Temperament is a person’s behavioral style and characteristic way of responding.
Kurcinka’s book differs from others on the market because it teaches parents to know their own self, as well as their children’s. According to Kurcinka, understanding your child’s temperament and understanding your own (as a parent) is vital because it “…is one of the real fuel sources that may lie behind the power struggles…” one experiences with their child. For example, if you find yourself easily able to adapt to new situations but your child appears to struggle with change chances are your temperaments are different. In this case, the child has difficulty with spontaneity and probably prefers a more regular schedule. It can be frustrating when you’re not on the same page with your child, but Kurcinka offers some education tips that include knowing and long-suffering yourself, but listening to your child’s feelings as well.
Reader’s Rating: 2 / 5
Most of the parents adopt the system of ‘Teaching skills’ rathar than go through ‘Teaching Life Essetial Skills’. Psychologists caution against casting children in point roles: the silent one, powerful one, smart one, clumsy one and even a negative type can provide harmful self image that a child may carry throughout his life. It is upto the parent to be an ‘emotion coach’ and teach the kids to cope up with situations of strengths and weaknesses and erect up productive relationships.
In the Book ‘Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles’, Kurcinka offers unique approaches to solving the daily, and regularly draining, power struggles between the parent and the child. She views these conflicts as rich opportunities to teach the child essential life skills, like how to deal with strong emotions and problem solve strategies. The current problem lies in discipline and parents, not only fail to know the behaviour patterns of kids but also fail to bring well mannered kids. Reasons maybe many leading to neglected parental duties. Understanding a child’s temperament and know own’s style is necessary says the leader. It permanently depends on how one takes the struggles – whether weigh it lighter or exaggerate things with end only getting much worse and the prob trigger to be a ‘troubleshooter’ and wind up to face challenging ’struggles’. Kurcinka focus on tips for parental approach and teach the child self respect and self control. Power over the child never works and this is one thing not to miss out if a parent wish for a positive answer to ‘How will I want my child to behave when he turns a teenager? Overall, a excellent parental feedback. It sure is a win for Life time parent-kid relationship.
Reader’s Rating: 4 / 5
Wow, thanks Mary! Being the mom of a rambunctious two-year ancient, I was desperate for some thoughts and support. I read the book and shared the main points with my spouse and we’ve tried (imperfectly, of course) to follow her thoughts and life has been better.
The book is well-written, not “over your head” like some parenting books, nor is it written in a condescending tone. She points out many times her own parenting disasters!
I’d recommend this book to new parents. Read it before your baby is born if you can! That way you’ll know what you can expect and have it in your mind.
Reader’s Rating: 5 / 5
when i ongoing reading this book, i establish the leader’s advice to lack much parental backbone. but, as i kept reading i really establish that the leader raised some brilliant points. i learned more about myself and my child through her sections on personality assessment. most parenting books say “don’t clarify, just act/punish.” i feel explaining has been helpful to our son and in the end will help him become a more emotionally intelligent human being. i would not have this book as the only parenting book on the shelf, but it makes a excellent companion to 1.2.3. Magic or books advocating that style of discipline.
Reader’s Rating: 4 / 5
What I liked most about this book is that I felt like you could read one chapter, work on some things then read the next. I don’t have time to sit down & read a whole book but a chapter or 2 per week works for me.
It really makes a lot of sense that your children have so many different emotions but don’t know how to prompt them. I read this at the same time as siblings lacking rivalry and they really complemented each additional.
Reader’s Rating: 5 / 5