I Am Not Myself These Days: A Memoir

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I Am Not Myself These Days: A Memoir

Product Description

I Am Not Myself These Days follows a glittering journey through Manhattan’s dark underbelly — a shocking and surreal world where alter egos reign and subsist (barely) on dark wit and chemicals…a tragic romantic comedy where one starts by rooting for the survival of the relationship and ends by hoping a name simply survives. Kilmer-Purcell is a terrifically gifted new literary voice who straddles the apportion between ridiculousness and normalcy, and stitches them together with surprising humor and lonely poignancy. As Booklist raved “as tart and amusing as a Noel Coward play, for Kilmer-Purcell is especially excellent at dialogue, and, as in Coward’s best plays, under the comedy lies the sad truth that even at our best, we are all weak, fallible fools. Again and again in this rich, adventure-filled book, Kilmer-Purcell illustrates the truth of Blake’s proverb, ‘The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom.’”

Amazon.com Review
I Am Not Myself These Days is Josh Kilmer-Purcell’s outrageously intimate memoir of a young man living a double life in the heady days and nights of mid-’90s New York City. As we follow Kilmer-Purcell through alcohol-fueled nights and a like affair with Jack, a crack-addicted male escort, he offers up an alternative universe where normal is “a Normal Rockwell painting that, if you leaned in close, would learn is made up entirely of misfits.”

By day, Josh drudges off to a Soho-based publicity firm where he makes ad campaigns for corporate clients. At night, he dons live goldfish to perfect the look of Aqua, a 7-foot-tall award-winning drag queen who trolls gay clubs in search of her next drink/one night stand. In between, he spends his time trying to erect a stable, loving relationship with a name whose beeping pager is a constant reminder of the pair’s nearly inevitable fate. Yet even as Josh’s escapades get increasingly absurd, Kilmer-Purcell is permanently there to remind us that the tale we’re reading is real, and that fundamental human emotions and desires are essentially universal. In the end, everyone just wants to be loved and to fit in somewhere. And while the lesson may seem hokey at times, Kilmer-Purcell’s sharp wit rescues the memoir from apt an exaggerated sob tale:

The night before any major holiday is permanently a blockbuster night at gay clubs. Thousands… across the city fortifying themselves for long trips home where they’ll be met with awkward silences, stilted conversations and cousins with whom they’d experimented with decades ago.

From start to end, I Am Not Myself These Days is an extraordinary journey into an incredible life. To be a glide on the wall is an adventure that should not be missed. –Gisele Toueg

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