Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving & Thriving With the Self-Absorbed
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- ISBN13: 9781572245198
- Condition: NEW
- Notes: Brand New from Publisher. No Remainder Mark.
Product Description
How can you handle the narcissistic people in your life? They’re frustrating (and maybe even intimidating) to deal with. You might need to interact with some of them in social or professional settings, and you might even like one–so sometimes it just doesn’t work to simply snub them. You need to find a way of communicating effectively with narcissists, getting your point across and meeting your needs while side-stepping unproductive power struggles and senseless opinion. This book offers a host of effective strategies for dealing effectively with a name who is at the center of his or her own universe.
Disarming the Narcissist will show you how to go past the narcissist’s defenses using compassionate, empathetic communication. You’ll learn how narcissists view the world, how to navigate their coping styles, and why, oftentimes, it’s sad and lonely being a narcissist. By learning to anticipate and avoid certain hot-button issues, you’ll be able to tell to narcissists lacking triggering aggression. By validating some common narcissistic concerns, you’ll find out how to be heard in conversation with a narcissist. Finally, you’ll learn how to set limits with your narcissist and when it’s time to draw the line on unacceptable behavior.
“Anyone whose life quandary includes dealing with a narcissist will be well-advised to read Wendy Behary’s book and heed her advice. Disarming the Narcissist offers sound suggestions and keen insights–a leap forwards in one of psychology’s toughest cases.”
–Daniel Goleman, leader of Emotional Intelligence
“…a valuable contribution to the growing self-help literature on the fascinating theme of narcissism. Behary takes the reader step-by-step through a process of understanding our personal triggers to the wounding inherent in narcissistic relations and then lays out a passageway for personal empowerment and change.”
–Sandy Hotchkiss, LCSW, leader of Why Is It Permanently About You?
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“Anyone whose life quandary includes dealing with a narcissist will be well-advised to read Wendy Behary’s book and heed her advice. Disarming the Narcissist offers sound suggestions and keen insights — a leap forwards in one of psychology’s toughest cases.”
Daniel Goleman, Leader – Emotional Intelligence
“This is a timely and vital book. Wendy Behary offers a uniquely well-articulated exploration of the complexities of living with a narcissist, along with a clear and elegant writing style. “Disarming The Narcissist,” provides a treasure of insightful observations, and strategies to help persons effective or living with a narcissist. Behary’s wisdom and warm humanity, together with her wide understanding and successful integration of interpersonal neurobiology and Scheme Therapy, provides a fresh perspective that will help the reader make sense of relationships that regularly seem so confusing, and give them tools to do something about it. I recommend this book heartily.”
Marion F. Solomon, Leader of “Narcissism and Intimacy.” and “Lean on Me.”
“…a valuable contribution to the growing self-help literature on the fascinating theme of narcissism. Wendy Behary takes the reader step-by-step through a process of understanding our personal triggers to the wounding inherent in narcissistic relations, and then lays out a passageway for personal empowerment and change.”
Sandy Hotchkiss, Leader of “Why Is It Permanently About You?”
“Books seem to jump off the shelf and into my arms, with perfect timing, exactly when I’m ready to receive what they offer and able digest it with any understanding. The last time it happened was few weeks ago. It was “Disarming the Narcissist” by Wendy T. Behary, which landed with precision and perfect timing.
People I like have been hurt by me being one, and I have been hurt also. Then there are people in my life who have ‘disarmed’ me by loving me enough to be honest, hold up the mirror while staying committed. They cushion me while I do the hard workout of taking responsibility and owning it.
In movies, I permanently feel tense when the excellent guy carrying a gun is pointing at the terrible guy with the gun, trying to force him to lay down his gun. Sometimes the excellent guy tricks him into it.
The best scene is when some noble, courageous, courageous person walks up lacking any tricks up his sleeve and gently persuades the terrible guy to give it up and he trustingly is able to. He might have some consequences, but he also has a future.
This book was pointed and honest, yet offered hope for a graceful future. Squirm if you need to, I did; then untie these gifts. Use them, wear them out!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*The art of mutual respect is an expression of the gift of generosity.
*The art of self-disclosure is an expression of the gift of courage.
*The art of discernment is an expression of the gift of truth.
*The art of collaboration is an expression of the gift of shared effort.
*The art of anticipating clashes is an expression of the gift of foresight.
*The art of apology is an expression of the gift of responsibility.
*The art of reflective listening is an expression of the gift of balance.
from “Disarming the Narcissist”
Laying It Down (Kathleen Overby, Leader – Blog “Nearly Paradisical”)
“For the practicing clinician there is perhaps no additional group of clients more hard to work with or that generates more dread and feelings of inadequacy than the Narcissist. In Disarming the Narcissist, Wendy T. Behary has provided both the theoretical knowledge and practical advice necessary for clinicians to know, empathize and, thus, help this challenging group of clients and their partners. Her ‘disarmingly’ straightforward, accessible style and impressive clinical experience make this a very valuable book indeed.”
William M. Zangwill, Ph.D., Director, EMDR Associates
“Having been trained by Wendy Behary, I can say that she has a rare combination of nuanced empathy with wonderful mastery of therapeutic practice in all-purpose, and scheme therapy in point. I look forwards to her new book and to further supervision and training with her with fantastic anticipation.”
Dr. John F. Gasiewski, Clinician, Mountainside Hospital Outpatient Behavior Health and psychotherapist in private practice, Montclair, NJ and New York City.
“Nobody understands and can translate to the public the complexities of narcissism better than the leader, nobody! She is a top clinician as well as a teacher.”
Patrice Fiore, psychotherapist, New Jersey
“Wendy Behary’s knowledge, understanding, insight, compassion and level of skill in effective with narcissism are unparalleled. She is known, respected and sought after in her professional world as a gifted speaker, clinician, teacher and mentor. Disarming the Narcissist is an exceptional, comprehensive work that allows her to bring her wisdom and expertise to the larger lay audience—couples and individuals struggling in these challenging relationships. Both the lay and professional reader will come away reassured and empowered—equipped with the coping skills and tools necessary for self care and transformation.”
Mary Burke, New Jersey
“Wendy Behary is a gifted and dynamic therapist with a depth of experience with clients who are many therapists’ worst nightmare. She has made an accessible and very much useful guide to understanding and thriving in relationships with narcissists. Disarming the Narcissist is an exciting culmination of Wendy’s pioneering work. Permanently the consummate teacher, Wendy generously shares her hard-won knowledge with us, leaving us empowered, compassionate and “armed” with effective skills.”
Robin Spiro, New Jersey
“Wendy Behary’s ground breaking work with people with narcissism combines wisdom, compassion, and skill to achieve results once thought unattainable. Her clinical acumen, and clarity of thought and writing enable readers to know, live with, and treat this population with empathy and understanding”
Lissa Parsonnet, psychotherapist/consultant
“Wendy Behary brings an astonishingly vast depth of empathy and compassion to her work. By playing to a person’s strengths, along with the use of gentle but firm confrontation, she successfully encourages her clients to reach new heights of emotional maturity. She utilizes these same qualities and more as she trains additional clinicians to buy such skills. Wendy Behary is truly a masterful clinician and teacher.”
Barbara Levy, New Jersey
“Wendy brilliantly captures the mind of a narcissist and skillfully addresses the underlying core issues that affect these individuals. For every narcissistic situation you encounter as a therapist, Wendy has assessed, treated, and lectured on this issue countless times over. Don’t miss her expertise in presenting the complexities of these cases in her new book!”
Rosemary Erickson, New Jersey
“In a world of rapidly advancing psychotherapeutic techniques and understanding, Wendy Behary’s book adds a much-needed resource that represents fantastic clinical depth and experience with this regularly misunderstood, under-served clientele. It’s a delight to see Wendy Behary’s well-known wisdom and compassion now available to all of us that have struggled with this regularly misunderstood, under-treated clientele.”
Bob Jaskiewicz, Director – Montclair Health Associates, New Jersey
“Wendy Behary is a first-rate clinician who applies complex and sophisticated thought to a very hard clinical problem.”
Lynn Mollick, NJ-Association of Cognitive-Behavioral Therapists
“Within each and every pathologically narcissistic individual sits a vulnerable hidden self who is desperate to be genuinely known and loved. In the face of Wendy Behary’s fearless yet compassionate clinical expertise, clients who are seemingly egomaniacal reveal their inner selves enabling Wendy to guide them toward psychological and interpersonal growth and wellness. She is a master clinician and teacher who has deeply and positively influenced the way I approach my most challenging clients.”
Ava Schlesinger, Owner/Director Terra Sky Center for Wellness, Summit, NJ
“Feeling empathy starts with understanding. Wendy Behary is a first-rate teacher who helps us know Narcissism and provides new tools to heal clients, which is nearly impossible lacking the experience of empathy.”
Alp Karaosmanoglu, MD, PsikoNET Psychiatric help and Training Center, Istanbul
“Wendy is a unique blend – an empathetic and caring individual and a talented and skilled clinician. She has for many years been an inspiration to her patients and her colleagues.”
Irv Finklestein, Director ADHD 911, New Jersey
Feedback (Quotes) from Professionals Who Attend Her Workshops -
When questioned what they like about Wendy Behary:
* “She is captivating. Fantastic presenter.”
* “This presenter/leader is dynamic, very knowledgeable, excellent in theory and in practice examples.”
* “Everything…she is fantastic!”
* “She knows her material and is confident in what she does”
* “I signed up for this class because I wanted more thoughts on effective with narcissists, not because I particularly thought I would delight in it. The presenter was energetic, passionate, and all in all surprisingly terrific. She brought the material to life in unexpected ways.”
* “Wendy is an awesome presenter and helped me better know my narcissistic clients.”
* “This is one of the best workshops I’ve ever attended.”
Reader’s Rating: 5 / 5
In the openning pages of this book the leader assures us that most narcissit are men. In fact most of the book covers her experience with one man uncomplaining/client of hers, that sounds like a comic book narcissist. The stereotype Mr. Wonderful with a the gold Rolex that you should be pleased to meet. My experience is that the male narcissist in all-purpose, is simpler to detect as they show their right colors relatively early. On the additional hand the female narcissist is far more devious and complex. My read is that the “fantastic recession”, a changing workplace and modern society are driving the male narcissit into full refuge (Ok there are exceptions, many of them in DC) In the meantime female narcissism is arresting full stride.
Here are some common phrases in the female narcissist vocabulary. Ofcourse, these are only hints and not a diagnosis.
- “I don’t want to have children” – read; why should anyone else be the center of attention.
-”If I’m not pleased, no one’s pleased” – read: – self explanatory!
-”I should be number one on your list” – self explanatory!
Additional clues include: hypercriticism of additional females, need for constant praise and tlaking about themselves in grandiloquant terms.
I emphasize that these may be clues and that this is only my opinion.
This book does make a few excellent points, but the sexist slant limit’s it’s value
Reader’s Rating: 1 / 5
The leader is a licensed social worker. Not a psychologist. Not a child psychiatrist. A social worker. Not qualified to write as an practiced, no matter how many narcissists she’s known. Her advice (breathing exercises, imagery…) is worthless. Worse, her manner of language is annoying. Anyone seen the TV ad for Lyrica? That artist whose fibromyalgia left her poor pathetic joints “…so tender to the touch…”. This book is full of wimpy turns of axiom like that. They place you wondering, “What movie am I in? Who talks like this?” For instance, after recalling painful childhood memories, we’re supposed to “Say thank you to the part of you that kept you safely grounded so that you could make the journey.” Please. I’d feel like Stuart on SNL. Her advice basically boils down to checking out and going to your “pleased place”. Find another book to disarm a narcissist. Or better yet, buck up and get the narcissist out of your life. They’re not worth it.
Reader’s Rating: 1 / 5
Maybe it is my own fault. I don’t really want to disarm a narcissist, just learn about narcissism. I was bored and disappointed with the information agreed. I would prefer more case studies or better yet, first person accounts. I’m not sure her suggestions would work on a narcissist. Perhaps. It is such a dismal topic, though. Disarming a narcissist is a losing battle if I ever heard of one! I guess, overall, if you want an exercise in frustation because you reflect you will be able to reach your narcissist, by all means, this book bucks the party line of “Get away and stay away” from the narcissist. If you want a better understanding of narcissism, look elsewhere.
Reader’s Rating: 3 / 5
Others have said what I disliked about the book, that the “dialogues” are unrealistic (if not laughable), and the strategies are equally so. So the book doesn’t deliver on how to deal with a narcissist.
Moreover, in the parts where the leader describes narcissistic behavior, her own passive aggressive rage and rage emerges through her sarcastic, over-the-top representations of narcissism. It reminds me of what I wrote about my ex-wife (the narcissist in my life). But I didn’t publish that.
This book shows it is simply not pleasant to read a name’s rants, no matter how cleverly written (which this is not).
Bottom line, if you are involved with a narcissist, the only way you can deal with it is to get away. By definition, they cannot see their own flaws, so they will never work to rectify the problems unless you end up shouldering the blame. That is not excellent for personal self esteem.
Reader’s Rating: 1 / 5