Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss what Matters Most
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- ISBN13: 9780140288520
- Condition: NEW
- Notes: Brand New from Publisher. No Remainder Mark.
Product Description
Members of the Harvard Negotiation Project–which brought you the mega-bestseller Getting to YES–show you how to handle your most hard conversations with confidence and skill.
Whether you’re dealing with an underperforming employee, disagreeing with your spouse about money or child-rearing, negotiating with a hard client, or simply adage “no,” or “I’m sorry,” or “I like you,” we attempt or avoid hard conversations every day. Based on fifteen years of research at the Harvard Negotiation Project, Hard Conversations walks you through a step-by-step proven approach to having your toughest conversations with less stress and more success. You will learn:
how to start the conversation lacking defensiveness
why what is not said is as vital as what is
ways of keeping and regaining your balance in the face of attacks and accusations
how to decipher the underlying structure of every hard conversation
Filled with examples from everyday life, Hard Conversations will help you on the job, at home, or out in the world. It is a book you will turn to again and again for advice, practical skills, and reassurance.
“Does this book deliver on [its] promise of an effective way through sticky situations, whether ‘with your baby sitter or your largest client’? It does.”– The New York Times
“These talented communicators blend a daunting array of disciplines into highly readable and practical advice.”– Booklist
“Brilliant. . . . I’ve already re-read most of it. I’m using it. What more could a reader question?”– Tom Peters
“Emotional Intelligence applied to life’s tough moments.”– Daniel GolemanAmazon.com Review
We’ve all been there: We know we must confront a coworker, store clerk, or friend about some especially sticky situation–and we know the encounter will be uncomfortable. So we repeatedly mull it over until we can no longer place it off, and then finally stumble through the confrontation. Hard Conversations, by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen, offers advice for handling these unpleasant exchanges in a manner that accomplishes their objective and diminishes the possibility that anyone will be needlessly hurt. The authors, linked with Harvard Law School and the Harvard Project on Negotiation, show how such dialogues really comprise three separate components: the “what happened” conversation (verbalizing what we judge really was said and done), the “feelings” conversation (communicating and acknowledging each party’s emotional impact), and the “identity” conversation (expressing the situation’s underlying personal meaning). The explanations and suggested improvements are, admittedly, to some extent intricate. And they certainly don’t guarantee positive results. But if you honestly are interested in elevating your communication skills, this book will walk you through both mistakes and remedies in a way that will boost your confidence when such unavoidable clashes arise. –Howard Rothman
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Being a lawyer, perhaps this all seemed self-evident to me, but there was small in this book that was new or innovative, either in the techniques or the way to reflect about them. I felt like I wasted money on this book.
Reader’s Rating: 1 / 5
Very disappointing, thin material open in double space format and large type to bulk up a thinly veiled version of family tree therapy technique. The chapter on Listening is particularly facile and missing any rigor or new thoughts apart from bashing active listening. Urging the importance of “authenticity” is pricelessly ironic from our lawyer authors. I was hoping for some new thoughts but was open with the pablum of family tree therapy techniques watered down for the masses. Forget this book despite the heavy duty PR blurb on the covers extolling its virtues.
Reader’s Rating: 1 / 5
This is watered down Action Science material a la Argyris for the all-purpose public. Just another book part marketing brochure for several drop-out consultants from the Harvard Negotiation Project–shameless self-promotion.
Reader’s Rating: 2 / 5
If you want to know how conversations
work, I reflect evolutionary psychology is more
on the mark. I loved Steven Pinker’s “How the
Mind Works” and “Blank Slate”. It helped me
know why our behavior is commonly NOT
rational. (our behavior is what it is because
it happens to be what survives the generations).
The only thing I got from this book is the fact
that we normally grossly overestimate the accuracy
of our assumptions about additional people. We are
commonly way incorrect (on further investigation
(conversation)).
Initially when I read this book (about two years ago),
I was intrigued because I like the thought of resolving
issues by talking. But I reflect there are lots of
people who do not like to “over analyze”. (And I reflect
evolutionary psychology can clarify even this).
For example, a friend may be touchy about a
certain theme because he benefits from some kind
of “cognitive dissonance”. He may then have a
very excellent (eg. financial) gut-based “reason” to
refuse talking about it.
I appreciate the hard work and analysis that went into
this book. And maybe I am failing to grasp the proper
way to apply the concepts. Or underestimating its
usefulness in the right circumstance. But I stand by
my opinion.
Reader’s Rating: 3 / 5
This book is absolutely essential to anyone in business and a fabulous resource for everyone, period! I recommend it lacking qualification.
Reader’s Rating: 5 / 5